Water = insant grace.. NOT!

      I am not a graceful human being. At all. I think its because I have huge boobs and never participated in typical hand/eye coordination sports. I started an equestrian- tried gymnastics (fail. they expect you to be balanced and poised. HA)- and today I am still an equestrian. The horse makes me seem graceful, and that makes me love them that much more. But I thought everyone was graceful in water. Am I mistaken? We are supposed to float about and appear graceful, right? Well apparently not me.
      You see we have some new Yankee friends, straight from New York. I thought we would show them a Georgia summer the right way. You know, Lakes, pontoons, tubing down the 'Hooch and all that jazz. Well Mr. Yankee ( we call him no- pants- Lance, Lance for short) hates water. He is very cat-like. Ms. Yankee, however, is like me... part fish. She is much more graceful than me. She can dive off the boat, I pretty much belly flop or fall into the water. Anyways, we forced Lance into a lake day. He actually enjoyed it and even jumped in! Although mid jump he kinda panicked and grabbed for the boat, slicing his finger open on the ladder in the process. He survived though!
      Ms. Yankee and I decided since our first lake outing was so successful, we would plan another water filled outing. This time, we would go tubing. The morning of our adventure Ms. Yankee text me to say that we are not going because Lance decided to work on the basement. I talked her into going without him and then promptly texted him and told him we absolutely needed him for this group outing. My hubs (we call him the nerd because he researches everything!!!) had this all figured out and he was going! I even told him Nerd was going to cry, in the end Ms. Yankee told to the old faithful trick and turned on the water works. Lance had to go at that point.
     We drove the hour and a half to Helen and rented our tubes. We loaded the bus with about a hundred other people and away we went. When we got to the drop off point there was a huge debate over whether to get a tube with a hole or without. We all chose without, except Lance. I think he was still nervous. We go to get into the tubes and wouldnt you know, everyone else gets in no problem. I fall in flat on my ass and my tube goes floating away. I catch it, get back in and we start our leisure float down the river.
Well we quickly decide we should have got those nifty little straps that would hold us all together. The four of us grabbing one another's hands, tubes and ankles just didn't work. We eventually just drifted apart. The river was so low Nerd spent a lot of his time stuck and walking with one guy while I floated with his wife. I got stuck with a group of really fun drunks and then some not so fun drunks. I found two snakes, one poisonous, one that was not... Thank God I didn't bite. Towards the end we finally got all connected, thanks to ms. Yankee, who got some straps. We were then able to help one another off rocks and we had a blast. Next time we will take sticks and straps to make navigating easier. Lance even said he was up for white water rafting next... I don't know if he ever will though.