Scrambled brain

I cannot form a cohesive post tonight. My thoughts are literally ALL over the place.

Here is what the last 30 minutes have looked like....

" That steak was amazing. Why don't we do that more often?"

" Water. I need more water. I really need to drink more water than wine."

"Speaking of water my skin is looking great because of it. Or my It Works wrap. Probably both."

"Know who looks great? Mr. Hubs. He needs to crawl out of his work and pay attention to me..."

"Facebook.... Who is that? Does she really have 3 kids? Hmm... *be nice, be nice, be nice*"

" I want peanut butter cookies."

-----Chris asked me how many cookies I was actually going to consume.----

"Screw him. I will eat 20 if I feel like it."

" Why the heck did I eat 4 cookies? I feel so sick."

" I am sleepy."

" oooh Captured Moments Photography posted more pictures. Time to stalk."

" Water. Where is my water."

"facebook time!"

Y'all this is why I am not really posting tonight. I just can't. I feel like a squirrel. My mind is going 3894 miles an hour. So night!

Tough Questions

Today I am linking up with Erin at Living in Yellow for some tough questions. I love this link up. I love digging deep and getting real. So here goes...

1. If you could do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?

I would do a few things differently. I know, I know... we aren't supposed to have regrets. Live and learn, right? BS... you know we all have those things that make our stomachs knot. The things we try to bury or forget. I quit riding for a few years. Regret it. I skipped days of riding Casper and now he is retired. Regret it. I hurt Chris at one point in our 9 years. REGRET IT. I didn't take school seriously. Regret it. I burned a few bridges and lost touch with a few that meant a lot to me. Regret it. I have said hateful things. Regret it. 

But I am working my butt off now to have fewer regrets. I am trying to do this right. I am trying to mend relationships and build new ones. So we will see. 

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

In 5 years.... I want a kid or 2. I want to be surrounded by my family laughing and happy and comfortable. I want to be content and safe and stable. 

3. Do you honestly want kids?

See above. Yes. I have flip-flopped with this (check the archives!) but I have decided it's now or never. Chris and I have enjoy each other for 9 years, now it's time to bring someone else in the picture. If that's God's plan. 

4. What has been the best moment of your life so far?

I am one of those people that cherish every moment. Best moments... laughing with my family, watching the baby cousins grow, riding (any day), waking up at the farm and playing with the cows, Revival at church.... I could go on forever...

5. What is your life theme song?

I have no clue. I will get back to you on this one. 

6. What is one thing you have yet to accomplish that you want to do before you die?

I want to have a child. 

7. If you could choose one thing to be known for, what would it be?

Being kind. 

8. If you could do anything you wanted right in this very moment (no consequences, no fear, etc), what would it be?

I would tell people "no". No I cannot take on your 1000 responsibilities, I have my own. Then I would spend a whole week without my phone or computer, hanging out with the hubs and my family, just being. 

9. What has been the most challenging moment in your life?

Losing my grandfather. 

10. Summarize yourself in one word.

Content. 

The Ring

Today I am linking up with Today was a Fairytale and Something about you and me for "Wife to Wife".

This months topic... the ring.

Chris and I had browsed rings several times but nothing serious. It was just a fun thing to do at antique stores and when we were bored at the mall. We were young and broke though so I never thought anything of it.

One day he took me to the jewelry store that his dad buys everything for his stepmom at. I didn't really think anything of it. We were looking at small rings that were closer to our price range and then the jeweler pulled out a just for fun ring. He said since I mentioned I loved vintage rings he had a vintage style cut. 

It was over a carat, asscher cut and a solitaire. Amazing.  It was also more than 5 times our budget. Of course I loved it but I tried to hide it because I never thought it was an option. A year later Chris slipped it on my finger. He paid on it a year to get what I wanted. I was shocked. He said that while I never said I wanted the ring, he could see it in my eyes when the jeweler let me try it on. I swear, the hubs is so spot on all the time, it's awesome. Eventually I got a wrap to cover the bad so it wouldn't get scratched. 

This is what the set looks like.... 

Baby? Maybe?

I have been absent from the blog lately. Sorry.

I have been busy and I have also had some issues. Issues that forced me to take a look at my future and where I am headed. Issues that made me change my timeline a little. Scary.

Okay, where to start....

Two Mondays ago

 Actually, last Monday... it was just a REALLY long week, I went to the lady doctor. Tons of fun. I just recently switched insurance so I ended up using a new doctor. This is a good thing, because my last doctor didn't listen to a thing I said.

Anyways, off track... So I go to this new doctor. We start going over my medical history and I tell her about the cysts and how I have all the signs of P.C.O.S and when I mentioned it to my other doctor's husband (she didn't have time to see me.) the answer was, "Yeah it seems to be P.C.O.S but I already have you on Birth Control for your irregularity so that's pretty much all we can do." He then left the room.

I told them numerous times the medicine they had me on wasn't controlling anything and finally had to demand it be changed. It was great and I finally got relief. 

Skip to recently.... The new Dr. said that because I have been regulated 7 years by BC it's hard to say what is going on. My hormones are so regulated this point and have been for so long. So ... I can go off of it and see what happens or I can stay regulated and assume the first diagnosis was correct. 

Then she said with the history of cancer, the endometriosis among other issues she feared that it was better for me to try for kids soon. Like a lot sooner than later. She said there might not be an issue but there could be,  especially with mom's endometriosis and history of 3 miscarriages.  Luckily, my sister being pregnant gives us hope. 

So we have been talking about the options. A LOT. And crying a lot. Oh wait that was just me. 

Hmmm... I said I didn't know if I was ready for a child or not. I have talked about it on the blog before. The baby timing is a total conflict for me. Now? Later? Am I ready? No?

I think this is what I have wanted all along, but I have been afraid that it wouldn't or couldn't happen so I never let myself entertain the thought. Now that it is a thought that has to be entertained I am excited. I have been a pinning fool. I have caught myself leading Chris towards the baby sections when we are shopping. 

So that is why I have been absent. There have been huge decisions in the Hermann household.

Oh and the devotional app on my phone today?

" He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD."

         - Psalm 113:9

A sign maybe? We are now birth control free.  Say a prayer that this works out the way God intends.   

-M

Sleep like a baby.

Why do people say that?
I have a seven month old niece and that kid hates sleep. Seriously, she considers 15 minutes a good nap.

I try to tell her that one day when she is working a 9-5 she will miss those nap opportunities. She just babbles and pulls my hair and drools or sticks her tongue out at me.

Seriously,  Baby K, you are too cute but you should listen to Auntie when she says you will wish you had taken your naps one day. 

She will stay awake until she reaches zombie stage.

That was almost to zombie point, Easter Sunday. She will scream and cry and wiggle and do anything to not fall asleep. And the whole time I am thinking "Please, let me take her nap for her." Her mom never goes for that arrangement. I think Baby K could handle the phones while I took a 30 minute siesta.

The kid already has me fearing the sleep I will lose once we have kids. I have been reading everything I can on how to make the little munchkins sleep. Apparently, soft blankies and teddy bears do not make babies sleepy. 

Why do babies fight it? Do they not know that sleep is magical? That one day the will count the minutes of sleep they can fit in? Or is that just me? Can you tell I am sleep deprived?! 

 

Some days I am quiet

Here lately I have not had much to say.
I have been dealing with some P.C.O.S issues, there was a death in the family, we are planning a horse show.... It has been hectic.
I find that when I get home I just want to sit by myself with a book and reflect on the day. I don't want to talk. I don't want to blog. I just want to sit.
I am hoping things will slow down in the next few days and life will return to normal. Don't give up on me. I will have tons to catch up on!

I am back!

Hey guys, I am back. Sorry, but last week was insane.

I had a board meeting for a horse show that I volunteer for. It was bad news all the way around. We are down in volunteers and donations. This show supports the local Special Olympics so it is heart breaking. I guess it means I just need to work harder. If you would like to make a donation please email me.

Then my great-aunt passed away suddenly. I had to work and her funeral was out of town so I didn't get to attend. I just sent up prayers for her family.

Then a police officer we know was shot twice. He is okay, but can you say stressful week?!

The weekend was a little better. Hubs went on a church retreat and while he was gone, I played.

Saturday I taught a riding lesson or two. Then I groomed one of older western horses. He got clipped (when we shave their whiskers) and bathed and then we went for a walk through the grass so he could graze and dry in the sun.

Around 2 pm board members for the horse club began showing up and it was show time. I threw on a western saddle (I typically ride English) and we did a quick demo on a new equestrian sport known as Western Dressage. It felt good to go back to my western riding roots. Toby was excellent and loved showing off. It was tons of fun and I really hope this sport takes off.

After that I rushed off to mom's and we went to a "It works" party.  The party was a blast, we wrapped our bodies grabbed some  water and chatted and looked at the different products while we waited. Then we got our results. I lost 1/2 an inch and can't wait to see how much more I lose in the next 72 hours. Mom lost an inch! She is blessed with a hot bod anyways.

Sunday, I had went to mom's to visit the horses and hangout on the sun porch with the fam. It was cold so we stayed huddled under quilts but it was cozy. Mom and dad adopted a beagle/bassett mix that was severely abused and for the first time in 3 months he let me touch him without being afraid of me. He even let me hold him. That was a huge breakthrough for the little guy.

 

It was a perfect weekend of horses, puppies and family.

Find and Follow Friday!

Thanks for joining us! So let's get to it:

1. Follow your hosts. 

They will be numbers 1 - 4 on the list. **I try to always follow back, so PLEASE leave a comment letting me know you're new here so I don't miss you! ** Sometimes it takes a little while, but I always get through every comment and follow back. :) My co-hosts this week are: Rebecca over at Caravan Sonnet Mallory over at Daffodils and Lace + Lisa over at Sorority Life to Army Wife! 2. Link up your blog's main page. **No blog hops, please.**

3. Try to stop by at least 3 blogs and follow ones you love. 

I'm sure they'd love it if you left a comment, as well :)

4. Take a button! 

Sharing is caring :) The more awesome blogs = the more awesome bloggy friends you make.

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5. Tweet this hop!

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Spread the hop love. 

I've decided to make this hop every other Friday for the time being-- e-mail me at nmariephoto@gmail.com if you'd like to co-host! 

That time I found a rattlesnake at work.

Let's all travel back to Monday... 

I am sitting at my desk when mom comes in with her new rescue dog that is still terrified of everyone. About an hour later someone leaves the door open and he gets out in to the back yard. 

How the heck do you catch a dog that doesn't trust you and isn't driven by food? 

A lot of coaxing and chasing. 

Somehow in the chaos, my dads dog comes to the back along with my cousins 4 month old puppy. CHAOS. 

Haley (dad's dog) and Remi (the scared little basset/beagle)

Don't they look cute. They aren't. Not when you are chasing them around 400 cars.

Any who... at one point we are along the back fence. We go to the left and hit the end. They go around the front of the cars to the right and I chase them back. The we go left again. We are running in a tiny lane about 12 inches wide between the back of the cars and the fence. 

About the 3rd back-and-forth I heard leaves rustling and a distinct rattle. I look down and about 6 inches from my feet I saw what looked like a black snake. Then I noticed the rustling sound was his freaking TAIL!

And he was standing a foot off the ground. 

This picture freaks me out. 

I froze. It felt like 5 minutes, but it was more like 30 seconds. It clicked that I was looking at a Timber Rattler. A dark, pre-shed, post-winter timber rattler. I ran backwards fast and saw mom and dad running towards where the snake was. I knew I had already made it angry. I started screaming "rattle snake, rattle snake, rattle snake!" at the top of my lungs.

We got away from it and I stood shaking in the middle of the yard. Then I noticed the dogs were still running along the fence. Past the snake. Over and over again. 

I started screaming their names, begging them to come. Four years ago my sister's 4 pound mini dachsund was bitten by a Copperhead. She almost died but my sister rushed her to the puppy ER and hubs and I kept her the following week for all the fun creams and pills. 

I just knew that one of these three were going to be the next victim. Somehow all of my screaming scared the snake and it got away when I was focused on getting away so the dogs were okay. After 45 minutes we wrangled all the brats, but I am still shaken up. 

Who thinks they are going to find a RATTLE SNAKE at work? 

Not me. I was grouchy and touchy for the rest of the day. And cleaning the barn? I jumped every time my horse moved. I am typically okay with snakes. I worked at a zoo! But, it's different when a rattle snake decides he hates you.

Let's catch up...

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever. In reality it was Thursday.

So what have I been doing?
Well, Friday was Good Friday. So hubs took the day off and met with the cable guy, so we have REAL television and I can watch TANNER FOUST. Yum...

*ahem*
Back to Good Friday- we went to church (my first Good Friday service). There was a lot of kneeling and standing but I enjoyed it and I found a fellow newbie/non-Catholic spouse. We clung to each other like 5 year olds on the first day of Pre-K.
                         

Saturday we had barbecue with my parents. Yum. Chris and I talked my sister, Anna, into going to Easter Mass with us. We got home at midnight and started dying eggs. Yes, yes we are insane. But look at our gorgeous eggs. 

We also made delicious coffee cake that took twice as long as it should have because I decided to edit the recipe. So we went to bed at like 2:00am. 

The 6:00am alarm was brutal. So I told it to shut up and slept until 8. Oops. We spent Easter morning with his family, eating eggs, bacon, coffee cake, biscuits and gravy.... the list goes on. We hid eggs for the little ones and then ate their candy. It was great. 

We then went to my parents and had dinner. Potato soup, ham, homemade bread and cake. I gained 5 pounds. No seriously, my scale says I gained 5 pounds. We fished and went four- wheeling and played with the ponies. 

My sister had a photo shoot to do with Ms. baby and I grabbed a camera to help because she was grouchy and we needed to get as many shots as we could in a short amount of time.