Goals for July

It kind of hit me this morning... this year is almost over. I just passed through June and really haven't accomplished much. I mean my marriage is the best it's ever been and I am working on the diet, but I want more! So, I am setting goals for July. I can do this. Here goes:

#1 Work it.
This month I have decided to really work my business as hard as I can. I have set major goals. I want to add 4 loyal customers and 3 distributors to my team and I want to help someone grab the $10,000 bonus. If you are interested in joining my team or want our amazing products click my It Works! link over on the side bar! Any questions... email me!

#2 Ride more
I haven't been to the barn in 3 weeks. In all fairness my trainer has been on vacation 2 of those weeks, but one week I was slacking. My butt needs saddle time!

#3 Finish a book 
I started Oogy months ago and have yet to finish it. I will finish it this month! Hold me too it and demand a review at the end of the month please.

#4 Finish another Bible study
I want to choose another one (maybe a quick one) and finish it with the hubs. Any suggestions or favorite books?

#5 Get back on budget! 
We have been awful. Awful. Time to get back on track! (This may take longer than 30 days)

Y'all hold me to it! I will post here and there on how it's going. I am off to read some Oogy. 

Wrapped Up

A few months ago I told myself that I would give this blog more attention. An honest go. I failed.

I failed for good reasons, so maybe we won't call this a fail. You see I have been completely wrapped up in my marriage. I know, I know... you're thinking, "another mush post" but hear me out.

I read an article the other day about how happy couples are hated on Facebook. What?! Why is it we can't stand to see other people happy? Is it because misery really does love company? That is a sad thought but it seems to be true.

I remember when we announced our engagement people would say things the worst things. Here is a list of the ones I STILL remember.

"Well, there goes your sex life!"
"You still have time to run!"
" Ready for the ball and chain?"
"I wouldn't do it again. Hell no!"
"Ah, your first ex husband"
" So he's the person that will eventually get half your stuff?"

Yes, people actually said this stuff. When I read that article it all came back to me and I reflected on our relationship.

Are we hated on Facebook? Probably. We laugh and snuggle and can't stand to be away from each other. We take smiling selfies and are thankful for one another. At the beginning of the year I vowed to make this year our best. I would try to push every thing else out and put us first.

First step: Become a more Godly couple. 
I realized our marriage started in the Church and that's where it needed to stay rooted. We had slipped slowly away and that was causing some of our issues. I started doing Bible studies on my own and then invited him to join me. It became a nightly thing to curl up on the couch and read a passage or two. I also began praying for my husband, praying for our life and praying for our future.

Second step: Be our own family
This was the hardest for me. I always have had a huge extended family and I have always been so intertwined with their lives. Which is good, but at the same time their drama was affecting MY marriage. That is not acceptable. I had to realize that while I can still visit with them and love them, I cannot be at their constant beck and call to sort out their drama. I realized Chris and I are our own unit. We have our own issues to sort through. WE COME FIRST.

Third step: Date my husband
We have been so stuck on budgeting and getting out of debt that we were forgetting to live, forgetting to enjoy each other and forgetting just how much we loved one another.

The results have been amazing. We are like two teenagers completely wrapped up in one another. We talk on the phone constantly. We have been more considerate and more thankful for one another. We are truly living as one unit. It is the most amazing feeling to get goosebumps and butterflies when I see him. That feeling has been fading for years, because we let life get in the way.

So I guess we are that hated couple on Facebook. Chris's best friend told him that there was no way we are that happy because we used to argue constantly. We laugh when we hear that kind of stuff now. We joke that something must be wrong with us because our bedroom life is the best it has ever been and we are married! Gasp.

 Nothing is wrong with us, the sad thing is something major is wrong with society. When people HATE seeing others post about happy relationships something is wrong. When people spout of divorce stats like they are a challenge when you announce your engagement, something is wrong.

Misery loves company, you just have to decline the invitation.

Little Signs

Do you believe in little signs from above?

I do. Without a doubt.

Last night as I was wading through tax paperwork I got one of these signs. Weird timing and I first I didn't catch what was happening because I was so absorbed in numbers.

Background: My grandfather passed away 4 years ago. You can read my posts about it here , here and here. I miss him. His favorite singer was George Jones. They had a similar life and he related. So, when I am missing him or need to relax I listen to old Country. There is one time I remember George Jones sang "Amazing Grace" acapella. My grandfather loved it and after his death I searched for a version of it. I couldn't find it and gave up. George Jones always talked about how the song "Angel Band" brought him out of a dark point in his life. I sang that song at Papa's funeral. (all of that will be relevant in a minute)

So there I was, trying to figure out where the other receipt for travel went and I thought, " Why don't I put on some music?"  I picked up my phone and Facebook was open. Country music nation had just posted a link of George Jones doing a cover of "Hello Darlin'...".

I thought  Old country it is.

I flipped to Pandora and chose the Classic Country station. The first song on was Conway Twitty singing "Hello Darlin...". Hmm... odd coincidence.

 The second song was "Amazing Grace". The acapella version by George Jones. I got goosebumps and then tears.

There was a stupid Pandora commercial and then "One Piece at a Time" by Johnny Cash came on. Papa and I used to laugh at the thought of that car in the song when I was a kid.

I still didn't catch the sign.

The third song was my favorite George Jones song... "He Stopped Loving Her Today". It is about a man who only stops loving when he is dead. Really sad, I know, but I used to dance on Papa's feet to it in the living room at the farm when I was little. So sad song, good memories.

The fourth song was another George Jones. I thought that's weird that Pandora is playing the same artist back to back. It was a song I had never heard called "The Blues Man".

One of the lyrics says,


"I was sure sinkin' when she came alongI was alone in the spot light, not too much left in sightShe changed all that one night when she sang me this song"

He doesn't list the lyrics to Angel Band, but every Jones fan knows that is the song she sang him. He says he heard "I Love You". 

I cried. Maybe I am crazy, but I think Papa was leading me through the memories to say he heard my last "I love you" and he loved me too.

 My husband shrugs it off. He lets me cry and guess, but he doesn't really believe it was a sign. He doesn't get stuff like that. Either way,whether I am crazy or not, I took peace in it. 

Baby? Maybe?

I have been absent from the blog lately. Sorry.

I have been busy and I have also had some issues. Issues that forced me to take a look at my future and where I am headed. Issues that made me change my timeline a little. Scary.

Okay, where to start....

Two Mondays ago

 Actually, last Monday... it was just a REALLY long week, I went to the lady doctor. Tons of fun. I just recently switched insurance so I ended up using a new doctor. This is a good thing, because my last doctor didn't listen to a thing I said.

Anyways, off track... So I go to this new doctor. We start going over my medical history and I tell her about the cysts and how I have all the signs of P.C.O.S and when I mentioned it to my other doctor's husband (she didn't have time to see me.) the answer was, "Yeah it seems to be P.C.O.S but I already have you on Birth Control for your irregularity so that's pretty much all we can do." He then left the room.

I told them numerous times the medicine they had me on wasn't controlling anything and finally had to demand it be changed. It was great and I finally got relief. 

Skip to recently.... The new Dr. said that because I have been regulated 7 years by BC it's hard to say what is going on. My hormones are so regulated this point and have been for so long. So ... I can go off of it and see what happens or I can stay regulated and assume the first diagnosis was correct. 

Then she said with the history of cancer, the endometriosis among other issues she feared that it was better for me to try for kids soon. Like a lot sooner than later. She said there might not be an issue but there could be,  especially with mom's endometriosis and history of 3 miscarriages.  Luckily, my sister being pregnant gives us hope. 

So we have been talking about the options. A LOT. And crying a lot. Oh wait that was just me. 

Hmmm... I said I didn't know if I was ready for a child or not. I have talked about it on the blog before. The baby timing is a total conflict for me. Now? Later? Am I ready? No?

I think this is what I have wanted all along, but I have been afraid that it wouldn't or couldn't happen so I never let myself entertain the thought. Now that it is a thought that has to be entertained I am excited. I have been a pinning fool. I have caught myself leading Chris towards the baby sections when we are shopping. 

So that is why I have been absent. There have been huge decisions in the Hermann household.

Oh and the devotional app on my phone today?

" He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD."

         - Psalm 113:9

A sign maybe? We are now birth control free.  Say a prayer that this works out the way God intends.   

-M

Fears

First let me warn you. I feel like this today...

And a little like this...

I usually get so depressed during the winter, but somehow I made it this year. I stayed strong. Then this week hit and some fears and depression crept in. I feel like I need to get them out before they take over.

My main fear...
Not having kids. It's so strange I have always been the one to say, " eh I don't have time for them right now." Then my cousin had Ms. Baby and I found out my younger sister is expecting and it hit me. I am almost 25 and there are no children in sight. My feminine issues are alive and well. The cysts are still attacking and I don't know if children are even possible. What if they aren't?

Hubs says he doesn't care. We can adopt. I can collect dogs or horses.... we don't have to have kids. But  maybe I want them. Hell, I don't even know if I want them. Some days baby fever is awful and takes over. Some days I am glad I can go ride my horses and drink wine all night. Maybe I just feel pressured because everyone else seems to be taking the step to parenthood. I feel like maybe it makes me less of an adult because I am not taking that leap yet. I feel like I will never be 100% ready.

 I am so conflicted and so confused and so emotional. I am sick of crying and feeling empty over it. I am hoping this is mainly PMS. Our plan is to be financially ready, house paid off... Now, my plan is to let God take over. I hope peace comes into my week.

Lesson in Love

Hello lovelies. Here lately I have been trying to be more centered. Centered in life, love and spirituality. I feel more connected to myself, my husband, my riding and God and it is amazing. Part of this centering is eating healthy, yoga and my daily devotional.

Today's I opened my app and this is what I read:

 "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God , namely, Christ.
- Colossians 2:2

The app went on to talk about seeking community and love, but my mind wandered to my marriage and how united we have been lately. You may remember how I have talked about the fact that our marriage isn't all peaches and cream , but lately I have been really trying and I think we are the strongest we have ever been. It all falls back to seeking love and being life giving.

Life giving? What is that? Read on...

My husband's church required us to go to pre-marriage counseling and the main thing I took away from it is to be life-giving daily. What does it mean to be life-giving? It means doing the small, self-sacrificing things for one another and not only doing those things but at the end of the day thanking one another for doing those things. God sacrificed for us and showed us the ultimate love and by sacrificing, even a little, we show a glimmer of that love.

Some examples...
-When I stop on the way to work and get him a limeade from Sonic just because I know he loves them and it will make his day.

-When he does the dishes so I can get in 5 more minutes of blogging.

-When I send him an encouraging text through a rough day.

-When he cleans my horse's stall so I can soak in the tub.

All of those are life-giving moments. It breathes life into the relationship. It gives the other person a boost in life. It shows love. We thank one another for these moments because we know they are not necessary. I encourage you to do something life-giving for someone you care for. And remember, if someone does something life-giving for you, thank them for showing you love.

"C" is for Church

photo credit

"C" was a hard one for me. I had a few ideas. Chaos seemed to fit, but I can't even pinpoint where the chaos starts. Then I realized the only way I break through all the chaos is my little church and my strong faith. So "C" is for church.

I love my little church. The safety and love that it brings into my life. The family I have there, both through faith and through blood. The blessing that have been recieved there. I love it. It's a little one room church on a country road. It looks preety basic, but once inside you realize that the love and spirit flowing through the place is undeniable and beautiful.

I am not preachy in my religion. In fact, I am quite the opposite because I don't feel like a am a perfect Christian. I have a bit of a potty mouth, I lived with my husband before we were married, ect. However, when the going gets tough I tend to stay calm and collected. I have learned to turn my worries over to God and trust that he will guide me. I am thankful for my realtionship with Him  and the fact that i truly know Him

The past two weeks have been difficult. I have prayed more the past two weeks then I have in a long time. My car was trashed and impounded because of a relative. I prayed for the power to fix it, move on and forgive him. I am still working on the forgiving part. Three relatives were in the hospital, one of the passed away. I prayed for healing and closure. My ex-boss, who I actually really admired, passed away. I prayed for his family. My husband's family friend died in a fire. I prayed for her family. When My husband got stressed out and snapped at me, I prayed for his peace and strength for our marriage.

Then, I got to thinking. I haven't been going like I should. I haven't lived perfectly, but God still loves me. He still allows me to see the miracles, the souls saved, the baptisms. He still gives me the strength, love and security I need. That to me is truly amazing.

"C" is for church. I am blessed.