Monday, January 31, 2011

One year and it still hurts

One year ago today my Papa Johnny left us. I do not even know where to begin explaining my feelings. He was one of the most important people in my life. I saw him everyday. I told him almost everything. I went to him for advice. Everyone talked about Papa and his babies and we were his pride and joy. We knew this and loved him just as much. Being the oldest I felt even closer to him. It was so hard to lose him.
So it has been 365 days. Still not any easier. I still cry a lot. I still feel empty. But at the same time I know he is better off. Maybe I should see this day as a celebration instead of trying to hide in my bed. I mean he is in a better place, no longer suffering here. The only reasons I cry are selfish ones. I am sad because I am here, not up there with him. Today was weird. I wanted to sleep through the whole day but that wasn't possible, so I decided to drag myself out of bed. I went to the office. The place he spent most of his days. I cried when I first got there but then got a grasp and actually enjoyed some of the day. Every once in awhile I had a small moment of sadness but it's okay. I have my memories and while at the beginning of the year I was so afraid I would start forgetting I now realize that is not the case. I still remember listening to George Jones with him non-stop. I remember dancing on his feet. I remember his amazing hamburgers. I remember driving down to the farm late at night with him. I remember the way he and nanny would make our birthdays so special. I will always have those memories and one day I will see him again.
God , I miss him. Here I am crying like a baby again, but I feel better getting some of this out.
Papa at Christmas

Here is the song I sang for him at his funeral:

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Weekend with Chris

The past weekend was pretty much amazing. Chris surprised me by taking me to Atlantic Station. We went to Dialogue in the Dark and then the Bodies exhibit. Both were amazing. Dialoge in the Dark started in a room that was dimly lit. Then the lights went out and we had to go through four different scenarios, including grocery shopping. It was one of the most eye opening experiences. You realize how much your rely on sight and just how scary and confusing life would be without it. After Dialogue in the Dark we went into bodies. It was amazing to see all the blood vessels and what makes the body work. We also got to see smokers lung (Ew) and a brain hemorrhage. I realized that I learned a lot more than I thought in my past four years, which made me happy. Then we headed over to IKEA. It was amazing!!! I cannot wait to buy my house and decorate. I found the kitchen of my dreams.
Sunday morning we woke up and went to Chris's church. We watched a video with the church after the service and it was a life changing video. Then we went to Grandma and Grandpa's and played with the baby cousins. Chris is really good with kids by the way :) It was so sad to see the weekend disappear, but in 8 days we will get another one together!