Thursday, September 18, 2014

Wine Bottle - 1, Mallory - 0

So last night I wanted wine.

 I needed wine.

Work was a nightmare, I was PMSing, and nothing had gone my way. I grabbed my corkscrew and the bottle of wine I had been saving. Not the everyday wine the good stuff.

Right away I could tell something was wrong with the cork or the corkscrew or me. It would not work. I was getting frustrated. Sure, I could have waited the 5 minutes for Chris to get home and handle it but " I am woman, hear me roar!"

I took matters into my own hands...

I tried to dig the cork out with a knife... no luck.

I tried to open it like Whitney did that time with a shoe. It had worked once before for me but this time nope.

So finally I got creative.... ( read: dangerous)
I found a screw and screwed it into the cork and then grabbed a hammer to pry the screw and the cork out. This is where I messed up. I pulled and the cork started to give and then it stopped. So I pulled harder and heard a loud crash and felt instant pain.

 Hindsight: Glass and hammers don't mix. Also, I probably should have used a table for leverage so the hammer and the glass never met. 

I looked down and my hand was gushing blood. Then bottle was still in my hand but the neck of the bottle was on the ground in half with the stubborn cork still wedged in there. Once the shock wore off I bandaged my hand, poured the wine in a fancy decanter I had also been saving and disposed of the evidence right as Chris was pulling into the driveway. He never asked about the bandage or why the decanter was out of the China cabinet. (smart man)

Then I drank the entire bottle of wine. It was the best wine I have ever had so there's that. Oh, and I didn't spill a drop during the whole fiasco.
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