Wine Bottle - 1, Mallory - 0

So last night I wanted wine.

 I needed wine.

Work was a nightmare, I was PMSing, and nothing had gone my way. I grabbed my corkscrew and the bottle of wine I had been saving. Not the everyday wine the good stuff.

Right away I could tell something was wrong with the cork or the corkscrew or me. It would not work. I was getting frustrated. Sure, I could have waited the 5 minutes for Chris to get home and handle it but " I am woman, hear me roar!"

I took matters into my own hands...

I tried to dig the cork out with a knife... no luck.

I tried to open it like Whitney did that time with a shoe. It had worked once before for me but this time nope.

So finally I got creative.... ( read: dangerous)
I found a screw and screwed it into the cork and then grabbed a hammer to pry the screw and the cork out. This is where I messed up. I pulled and the cork started to give and then it stopped. So I pulled harder and heard a loud crash and felt instant pain.

 Hindsight: Glass and hammers don't mix. Also, I probably should have used a table for leverage so the hammer and the glass never met. 

I looked down and my hand was gushing blood. Then bottle was still in my hand but the neck of the bottle was on the ground in half with the stubborn cork still wedged in there. Once the shock wore off I bandaged my hand, poured the wine in a fancy decanter I had also been saving and disposed of the evidence right as Chris was pulling into the driveway. He never asked about the bandage or why the decanter was out of the China cabinet. (smart man)

Then I drank the entire bottle of wine. It was the best wine I have ever had so there's that. Oh, and I didn't spill a drop during the whole fiasco.

A beautiful weekend...

Ahhh, the weekend. 

I did absolutely nothing and I am not sorry. 

I got the award for being lazy this weekend. 

Seriously. 

Okay, lets start at Saturday. 

I slept until .... let's just say really late. 

I woke up and got dressed in my lazy girl jeans and headed to the barn. 

I didn't even muster up the energy to ride, y'all. How sad is that?

I spent the day watching training horses, snuggling with Soul and helping the kids bathe their horses after their rides. I was content with the coldest bottle of water, the breeze blowing and sun and sand. I pretended I was tanning at the beach. 

I came home from the barn and soaked in the tub and then decided to take a nap. 

See how productive this weekend is turning out to be so far? 

I get lazier if you can believe it. 

Sunday, I slept late again. 

I worked on making a new "It Works" binder for all of my client sheets. 

(shameless plug: newyouwithmallory.myitworks.com) 

I napped again. 

And finally decided to drag myself to the grocery store to buy wine and cookies. 

It was the perfect weekend. Perfect. I hope to do it again in 5 days! 

Ps- If you want to tighten tone and firm, check out my It Works website. If you are interested in becoming a distributor email me! 

Pogo Sticks and hot wine

Hello. This is me right now. 

Okay. Okay. I am not at the country club right now. I am on my couch. 

That was me at my best friend's wedding last year. 

When I could drink. Because my nutritional coach didn't spout random shit about how wine=calories. 

Why was I sad then? Because I spent too much time dancing and my wine got warm. 

See lot's of dancing?

Note to self: You should have just enjoyed that warm wine, because now you are wine deprived. 

I do have plenty of whine though. See what happened there? Yeah I am lame. 

That was not the point of this post I am just way off track. 

Okay... see this face. 

Riley S. Dog

Yeah he looks cute, but he has issues. Actually both of my dogs have issues. 

The other day it was gorgeous out and I had stuff to do in the barn. I didn't trust them, because Lacey runs under the fence all the time. She just uses me for food. She could care less about hanging around. 

So I put them on tie outs near the barn. This is where it gets fun. The second they are tied they turn into maniacs. Even if they can still touch me. They seriously lose their heads. 

Lacey ties herself as tight as she can around anything. She will find a blade of grass and wrap her lead around it. EVERY TIME. Then she sits there and pants and paces until I unravel her rope,so she can quickly tie herself to something else. It's cute. 

Riley grows Pogo sticks in the bottom of his feet and jumps as high as he can. Then he jumps at me. He never jumps on people unless he is tied. Then he forgets manners.  It's like he goes into primal mode and forgets that he lives inside and sleeps on my bed and he is not actually a yard dog. Then he gets bored and eats grass until he vomits. It's attractive. That's why all the lady dogs are after him. Most def. 

I am going to go snuggle with the weirdos. Have a great day ya'll!

Riley's Resolutions!

I am exhausted and I have to work today, but we have a special guest... Riley.

This is Riley if he could talk...

Hey guys! I am Riley and I am my mom's favorite. Don't tell Lacey, because she thinks she is mama's favorite. So my mama talked all about her New Year's Resolutions last night, so I decided to make a list of my own. She also decided to drank a little drank, but I will not be doing that today. I am allergic to EVERYTHING! Anyways... here we go!

1) I am going to do my best to not be such a mama's boy teach my mama that we can do things separately. I do not have a problem, she does. I swear the lady is crazy. She is obsessed with me.

2) I am going to stop taking orders from the bossy min pin. She does not intimidate me... that much. Okay, maybe she is scary. She has a master plan to take over the world.

 

3) I am going to learn how to open the fridge. My parent's make it look so easy. It also holds all sorts of magical things. Like mom's special drink. She pours a tall glass and says, "Oh thank God for sweet tea!".  What is this sweet tea? Can I have some? She also loves wine and blue drink, all of that can be found in the fridge too! I have to figure out how to get in there.

4) I am going to convince my parents to buy me my very own bed. Nothing smaller than a queen for this boy. Oooh and lots of pillows. I love pillows. Especially mom's pillows. I swear, she is the one with Riley issues. I do not have Mama issues.

5) I am going to stop scratching my legs and pulling out my hair. I hate that stuff mom puts on my feet to make me stop itching.

6) And last I am going to the dog park more. I miss all of my friends!

 

I have to go now! Dad is home snuggling with me because it is New Year's Day! Mom has to work. I am going to miss her I mean she is going to miss me.