Monday, January 5, 2015

Advice for the Newly Engaged

This past holiday season my social media feeds blew up with pictures of guys on one knee and perfectly manicured hands showing off shiny diamonds. It feels like EVERYONE got engaged. How exciting?! But holy stress! There are so many things I wish people had told me and so many things I wish I hadn't let bother me.

So after being engaged to the same guy twice (true story) here is my advice:

1. Do NOT look at the task list on any of the wedding sites or in any of those wedding planning books and think that things have to be done exactly by that timeline. 

I remember thinking, "I just got engaged and I have to have a date picked now?! Wait, I need my dress in 8 weeks!!!!"  No. No you don't. Seeing all the tasks are helpful because it gives you a vague idea of what has to be done but I honestly didn't mark off half the stuff on the list and what I did complete wasn't anywhere near the timeline they suggested. I picked out my dress 4 months out not 10 and it turned out just fine. I wish I hadn't stressed so much in the beginning and just relaxed. I felt so rushed. 

2. The dress doesn't have to make you cry. 

I actually had people tell say, "You didn't cry when you put your dress on? Maybe it's not the one. You should keep shopping." Wait... what? No, I didn't cry, my mom didn't cry...heck I think we were just excited that the huge task was out of the way. And guess what?  I loved my dress. I still love my dress. I have actually worn it two more times since then for photo shoots for my photographer sister. Sure maybe there are dresses prettier than mine, flashier than mine and pricier than mine but my dress fit my wedding and my style and my body type. Don't let others tell you how you should feel or how the process should go. They will just cause you to doubt yourself. 

3. DO find an engaged couples workshop. 

We attended a engaged couples weekend that was life changing. They had us talk about every issue that typically causes divorce from money to religion to raising kids. Let me just say.... WOW! It was a lot to think about but we came out of it much more stable and much closer. I highly recommend it. 

4. Do not let your guests and family tell you how your day should go. 
This day is about you and your fiance and the sacrament of marriage. That is it. It's not about who didn't want to sit at weird uncle Lou's table or who hates the food choices and thinks you should change your menu. You cannot make everyone happy so focus on making the two of you happy. I actually had some of his family members email me complaining about the music I walked down the aisle to. It was Canon in D! I didn't get crazy! 

5. Remember: It is just one day. 
Just remember, this is one day. A glitch or two isn't going to mess it all up. I promise. The morning of a marathon had downtown shutdown so dad almost didn't make it to the florists to pick up my bouquet. One of the groomsmen had a vest 3 sizes to small.  They didn't start playing Canon D until I had made it to the last cue because no one gave the music coordinator the cue. I walked halfway down the aisle to Ave Maria. I am the only one who noticed and we still got married. Do not panic if things are not perfect. Just don't fall. 

Kidding, kidding. But seriously, enjoy this moment. Don't get caught up in the details, get caught up in the romance and magic. Have fun and know it will all be wonderful. Congratulations! 

1 comment :

JG said...

Great tips! For myself, I made the rule that, when the week of the wedding got here, I'd let whatever happened, happen, because at that point, there was going to be a wedding one way or another. And it was another - the favors I spent all day making didn't get put out, the reception venue threw out our cake topper, the ceremony venue didn't have enough chairs, a whole list of other things my husband is upset I still remember (hey, I put a lot of work into that wedding, of course I noticed!) But we're still married and it was still our day. And that's all that matters.