A tip for a strong marriage

Today I am sharing one of my favorite blog posts about how we make our marriage a happy one. This is from the archives and three years later I still credit it as one of the reasons we are strong in our marriage and growing stronger.

Life Giving....

Today's I opened my devotional app and this is what I read:

 "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God , namely, Christ.
- Colossians 2:2

The app went on to talk about seeking community and love, but my mind wandered to my marriage and how united we have been lately. You may remember how I have talked about the fact that our marriage isn't all peaches and cream , but lately I have been really trying and I think we are the strongest we have ever been. It all falls back to seeking love and being life giving.

Life giving? What is that?
When I first heard it I didn't fully understand either.

My husband's church required us to go to pre-marriage counseling and the main thing I took away from it is to be life-giving daily. What does it mean to be life-giving? It means doing the small, self-sacrificing things for one another and not only doing those things but at the end of the day thanking one another for doing those things. God sacrificed for us and showed us the ultimate love and by sacrificing, even a little, we show a glimmer of that love.

Some examples...
-When I stop on the way to work and get him a limeade from Sonic just because I know he loves them and it will make his day.

-When he does the dishes so I can get in 5 more minutes of blogging.

-When I send him an encouraging text through a rough day.

-When he cleans my horse's stall so I can soak in the tub.

All of those are life-giving moments. It breathes life into the relationship. It gives the other person a boost in life. It shows love. We thank one another for these moments because we know they are not necessary. I encourage you to do something life-giving for someone you care for. And remember, if someone does something life-giving for you, thank them for showing you love.

Advice for the Newly Engaged

This past holiday season my social media feeds blew up with pictures of guys on one knee and perfectly manicured hands showing off shiny diamonds. It feels like EVERYONE got engaged. How exciting?! But holy stress! There are so many things I wish people had told me and so many things I wish I hadn't let bother me.

So after being engaged to the same guy twice (true story) here is my advice:

1. Do NOT look at the task list on any of the wedding sites or in any of those wedding planning books and think that things have to be done exactly by that timeline. 

I remember thinking, "I just got engaged and I have to have a date picked now?! Wait, I need my dress in 8 weeks!!!!"  No. No you don't. Seeing all the tasks are helpful because it gives you a vague idea of what has to be done but I honestly didn't mark off half the stuff on the list and what I did complete wasn't anywhere near the timeline they suggested. I picked out my dress 4 months out not 10 and it turned out just fine. I wish I hadn't stressed so much in the beginning and just relaxed. I felt so rushed. 

2. The dress doesn't have to make you cry. 

I actually had people tell say, "You didn't cry when you put your dress on? Maybe it's not the one. You should keep shopping." Wait... what? No, I didn't cry, my mom didn't cry...heck I think we were just excited that the huge task was out of the way. And guess what?  I loved my dress. I still love my dress. I have actually worn it two more times since then for photo shoots for my photographer sister. Sure maybe there are dresses prettier than mine, flashier than mine and pricier than mine but my dress fit my wedding and my style and my body type. Don't let others tell you how you should feel or how the process should go. They will just cause you to doubt yourself. 

3. DO find an engaged couples workshop. 

We attended a engaged couples weekend that was life changing. They had us talk about every issue that typically causes divorce from money to religion to raising kids. Let me just say.... WOW! It was a lot to think about but we came out of it much more stable and much closer. I highly recommend it. 

4. Do not let your guests and family tell you how your day should go. 

This day is about you and your fiance and the sacrament of marriage. That is it. It's not about who didn't want to sit at weird uncle Lou's table or who hates the food choices and thinks you should change your menu. You cannot make everyone happy so focus on making the two of you happy. I actually had some of his family members email me complaining about the music I walked down the aisle to. It was Canon in D! I didn't get crazy! 

5. Remember: It is just one day. 

Just remember, this is one day. A glitch or two isn't going to mess it all up. I promise. The morning of a marathon had downtown shutdown so dad almost didn't make it to the florists to pick up my bouquet. One of the groomsmen had a vest 3 sizes to small.  They didn't start playing Canon D until I had made it to the last cue because no one gave the music coordinator the cue. I walked halfway down the aisle to Ave Maria. I am the only one who noticed and we still got married. Do not panic if things are not perfect. Just don't fall. 

Kidding, kidding. But seriously, enjoy this moment. Don't get caught up in the details, get caught up in the romance and magic. Have fun and know it will all be wonderful. Congratulations! 

Wedding Bells

The past week and a half has been insanely busy. I have been busy working on getting my real estate license and got a job lined up for once I am done! We went shopping for campers, went on a date night or two and visited a dear friend in the hospital. But the biggest news... my little sister got MARRIED!!!!

It was a small ceremony at my parents house. It was simple and super casual. She was beautiful. It was perfect.

And now I am just going to photo dump...

We adore our little nephew

She wanted both daddy and Brantley to walk her down the aisle

Husband and wife! 

The beautiful family

The happy couple 

May you guys have many years of happiness ahead of you.

Goals for July

It kind of hit me this morning... this year is almost over. I just passed through June and really haven't accomplished much. I mean my marriage is the best it's ever been and I am working on the diet, but I want more! So, I am setting goals for July. I can do this. Here goes:

#1 Work it.
This month I have decided to really work my business as hard as I can. I have set major goals. I want to add 4 loyal customers and 3 distributors to my team and I want to help someone grab the $10,000 bonus. If you are interested in joining my team or want our amazing products click my It Works! link over on the side bar! Any questions... email me!

#2 Ride more
I haven't been to the barn in 3 weeks. In all fairness my trainer has been on vacation 2 of those weeks, but one week I was slacking. My butt needs saddle time!

#3 Finish a book 
I started Oogy months ago and have yet to finish it. I will finish it this month! Hold me too it and demand a review at the end of the month please.

#4 Finish another Bible study
I want to choose another one (maybe a quick one) and finish it with the hubs. Any suggestions or favorite books?

#5 Get back on budget! 
We have been awful. Awful. Time to get back on track! (This may take longer than 30 days)

Y'all hold me to it! I will post here and there on how it's going. I am off to read some Oogy. 

Wrapped Up

A few months ago I told myself that I would give this blog more attention. An honest go. I failed.

I failed for good reasons, so maybe we won't call this a fail. You see I have been completely wrapped up in my marriage. I know, I know... you're thinking, "another mush post" but hear me out.

I read an article the other day about how happy couples are hated on Facebook. What?! Why is it we can't stand to see other people happy? Is it because misery really does love company? That is a sad thought but it seems to be true.

I remember when we announced our engagement people would say things the worst things. Here is a list of the ones I STILL remember.

"Well, there goes your sex life!"
"You still have time to run!"
" Ready for the ball and chain?"
"I wouldn't do it again. Hell no!"
"Ah, your first ex husband"
" So he's the person that will eventually get half your stuff?"

Yes, people actually said this stuff. When I read that article it all came back to me and I reflected on our relationship.

Are we hated on Facebook? Probably. We laugh and snuggle and can't stand to be away from each other. We take smiling selfies and are thankful for one another. At the beginning of the year I vowed to make this year our best. I would try to push every thing else out and put us first.

First step: Become a more Godly couple. 
I realized our marriage started in the Church and that's where it needed to stay rooted. We had slipped slowly away and that was causing some of our issues. I started doing Bible studies on my own and then invited him to join me. It became a nightly thing to curl up on the couch and read a passage or two. I also began praying for my husband, praying for our life and praying for our future.

Second step: Be our own family
This was the hardest for me. I always have had a huge extended family and I have always been so intertwined with their lives. Which is good, but at the same time their drama was affecting MY marriage. That is not acceptable. I had to realize that while I can still visit with them and love them, I cannot be at their constant beck and call to sort out their drama. I realized Chris and I are our own unit. We have our own issues to sort through. WE COME FIRST.

Third step: Date my husband
We have been so stuck on budgeting and getting out of debt that we were forgetting to live, forgetting to enjoy each other and forgetting just how much we loved one another.

The results have been amazing. We are like two teenagers completely wrapped up in one another. We talk on the phone constantly. We have been more considerate and more thankful for one another. We are truly living as one unit. It is the most amazing feeling to get goosebumps and butterflies when I see him. That feeling has been fading for years, because we let life get in the way.

So I guess we are that hated couple on Facebook. Chris's best friend told him that there was no way we are that happy because we used to argue constantly. We laugh when we hear that kind of stuff now. We joke that something must be wrong with us because our bedroom life is the best it has ever been and we are married! Gasp.

 Nothing is wrong with us, the sad thing is something major is wrong with society. When people HATE seeing others post about happy relationships something is wrong. When people spout of divorce stats like they are a challenge when you announce your engagement, something is wrong.

Misery loves company, you just have to decline the invitation.

Why we work...

We work because he tells me I am gorgeous and I tell him he is a sexy man daily.

We work because he smacks my butt during house chores and I pretend to hate it. (We both know I don't.)

We work because he understands that I need a girly room in the house and I get that he wants part of the barn to be his workshop.

We work because he loves the fact that I am a child at heart, a free spirit and I love the fact that he is wise beyond his years.

We work because he loves my little southern sayings and ways and I find his Midwestern tendencies cute.

We work because he takes mama and I antique hunting and I go to the museums with him.

We work because he understands how much I need horse time and I understand that he needs his historical documentaries.

We work because we are content staying in and snuggling instead of going out some nights even though I am typically a social butterfly.

We work because when I crank up the country music he laughs when I get silly and belt it and sing all the words wrong and when he gets ghetto I try to video him throwing deuces leaned back in my charger.

We work because he thinks it is sexy when I am teaching lessons to the kiddos and I think it is so hot when he is in farmer mode.

We work because he spends time with my crazy family and I spend time with his.

We work because he puts up with my sister and I making him pose for the camera every chance we get and I know when he has had enough.

We work because our fights are intense but we both forgive and forget quickly. 

We work because we can sense when the other is a their breaking point at work and pick up each others slack and calm each other down. 

We work because he gets that occasionally I NEED to sleep late and I know that 5 AM is his wake up time no matter what day of the week it is. 

We work because we pray together.

We work because he sits in the pew at my little Baptist church at least one session during revival because he knows my roots are there and I go to his Catholic church with him. 

We work because we respect each other. 

We work because we realize we are different but we are the same. 

We work because we cherish one another. 

Lesson in Love

Hello lovelies. Here lately I have been trying to be more centered. Centered in life, love and spirituality. I feel more connected to myself, my husband, my riding and God and it is amazing. Part of this centering is eating healthy, yoga and my daily devotional.

Today's I opened my app and this is what I read:

 "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God , namely, Christ.
- Colossians 2:2

The app went on to talk about seeking community and love, but my mind wandered to my marriage and how united we have been lately. You may remember how I have talked about the fact that our marriage isn't all peaches and cream , but lately I have been really trying and I think we are the strongest we have ever been. It all falls back to seeking love and being life giving.

Life giving? What is that? Read on...

My husband's church required us to go to pre-marriage counseling and the main thing I took away from it is to be life-giving daily. What does it mean to be life-giving? It means doing the small, self-sacrificing things for one another and not only doing those things but at the end of the day thanking one another for doing those things. God sacrificed for us and showed us the ultimate love and by sacrificing, even a little, we show a glimmer of that love.

Some examples...
-When I stop on the way to work and get him a limeade from Sonic just because I know he loves them and it will make his day.

-When he does the dishes so I can get in 5 more minutes of blogging.

-When I send him an encouraging text through a rough day.

-When he cleans my horse's stall so I can soak in the tub.

All of those are life-giving moments. It breathes life into the relationship. It gives the other person a boost in life. It shows love. We thank one another for these moments because we know they are not necessary. I encourage you to do something life-giving for someone you care for. And remember, if someone does something life-giving for you, thank them for showing you love.

On the mend...

First, let me say sorry for the late post. We had a rough day at work. 

Friday I told ya'll about the issues the hubs and I have been having the past few weeks. I explained how lonely and empty I felt. Then you guys poured the support and prayers into my lap. I was overwhelmed that so many of you listen and care and were so kind. Through the weekend I felt your prayers working to restore peace to us. 

We went to my parent's new paradise for a day on the farm and some hiking. My 15 year old sister wants to be a photographer and she is so talented. She asked us to pose for a few photos.  Here are a few of the pictures she got. Remember, No makeup and my hair was thrown up after hiking. 

The little photo session was actually good for us. It brought us back to us. The hiking helped too. Being in the woods without cellphones or interruptions. We found signs of a bear in the area and waterfalls and gorgeous wild magnolias. My parents have a little slice of paradise and I am grateful they let us use it. 

That night friends came over to mama and daddy's. We all piled into the new kitchen and cooked together which was a blast. We then settled into the den for football and dinner. The game was interesting. We had Florida fans and Georgia fans present. I was rooting for Georgia because the hubs is a Gator fan.

Sunday we went back to mama's for more fun. We helped them set up their family room and played with the dogs while we waited on dinner. After dinner we all snuggled into the family room and watched old HeeHaw reruns. The wind was awful and it was cold, but we were inside with warm throws snuggled up with our significant others watching the leaves hit the lake. It was so cozy and I feel at peace today. I just hope we can hold onto this peace. 

For better or for worse....

We took vows. For better or for worse. With the stress of this month we have hit the worst. We have been bickering over nonsense, we are both on the defense, we can't speak without arguing and it is killing me. I feel empty and lonely. I know it will pass, it always does. We fight, we make up. That's how it goes, right?

I am just so sick of the way it's going. I hate arguing. I want to feel like I did on this day. 

I think it could be because we have worked 8 days straight and moved the week before that. Maybe some R & R at mama's new place this weekend will relax us, because at this point I don't even want to talk to him. Today I said something about a light and he thought I said "fight" and got all defensive. I honestly think he is slightly depressed. I pray this ends soon. 

Sorry this post was heavy.

It Ain't all Peaches and Cream ...

I have heard a lot of you ladies complaining about how a lot of bloggers have seemingly perfect lives and are afraid to get real. I hear ya. Loud and clear. It's ridiculous. Today hubs and I had an argument and I kept thinking well this is ruining my blog mojo. No happy here. Well that's crap. If you don't want to hear a vent turn me off right now, but if you like real stick with me a minute. 

That's what I would LOVE to say to the butthead, but instead it comes out $$%@! Why are you so mean?! And $%@%$@ Stubborn?! I can't stand you today! $#$#!#$#$#!$#%$%$^&*&!!!!!! And then I cry. I hate crying. It makes my head hurt, it makes me snotty (sexy, huh?) and it makes me not wanna eat. It does make my eyes greener. Like Scarlett O'hara emerald green and I love that fiery southern belle. My ex used to make me angry just to see them change colors. I digress.

A woman who knows all about sass and class. 

Any who, the argument tonight was about work. I sent him on a particularly hard assignment. I knew it was going to be a pain but I got all the info I could possibly get to make it easier. I spent an extra 30 minutes setting it up, collecting clues and calling around. I was ready to pull my hair out. By the time I felt confident that I had made it as easy as it was going to be, it was hubs turn. I sent him to downtown Atlanta in rush hour traffic to get a car out of a parking deck. He loves me. Well, as it happens the customer lied. Everything was more difficult. Hubs drove to Atlanta for nothing. 

I texted him to see what he wanted for dinner and got " Don't talk to me." REALLY? I have dealt with pissy people all day, and just wanted snuggle time with him and he is mad? He got in the car and made one snappy comment and I lost it. Like yelling, driving like a maniac professional Nascar driver, lost it. We got home and he realized that he should leave me alone. So he sent my puppy out to greet me. Riley and I sat in the yard (sans leash! And he was good!) and drank a wine cooler before we went in. 

Hubs made me dinner and we are okay now, but I think it's important to remember it is okay to argue! If you never have an argument someone's feelings aren't being heard. It's normal to not have a perfect life. It ain't all peaches and cream. 

Ps- Sorry to all the people on 400 who saw a lot of this....

I was having a moment. That is allowed!

- M

Blessed with all of you!

So today I went to Candice's bridal shower today. She is one of my best friends ever. She is one of those friends that I can go 5 years without seeing and we can back up where we left off. I seriously have called her after not talking to her in months crying and she makes it all better in like 2.345 seconds. Almost everyone who knows Candice would tell you the same. I love her like a sister. Sitting there today I realized I am so blessed to have several friends like this. Our little group has been through elementary, middle and high together. We have moved away, came back home and started families (even if right now most of our kids are 4-legged). We have fought (rarely), cried, learned and laughed many hours together and I wouldn't trade any of you for the world. And you guys know who you are. I am so proud of our little group and where we have been and where we are going. I wish Candice and Brad many blessed and beautiful years together. Ya'll deserve it. And even though I haven't met Brad yet, I already adore him for making my bestie so happy. Anyways enough sappy. Just wanted to say I love my friends.