Riley's story

So we adopted Riley March 3rd, 2010. At the time I was on a mad hunt for a purebred boxer. I wanted to rescue but I wanted it to be a boxer. Papa had always had boxers and they were his favorites. When I was a kid he raised them and they have always had a special place in our family. I searched for a month. There were a few on Craigslist that I looked at. I set up a few appointments to meet the dogs and the owners, but nothing felt right. Then one night I typed in "boxer for adoption" in the search bar and a picture of a little black and white possibly pitt mix puppy popped up. Hmmm... not a boxer but he is cute. I clicked on the link and the saddest eyes were pretty much attacking my soul. Then I read he was going to be put down Tuesday at 4pm. It was Sunday. Monday morning I called and asked if they would hold him for me. The lady said no, I had until 4pm Tuesday.

Luckily, Chris was off that Tuesday (March 3rd) and we went to look at him. We walked in and I immediately saw why "boxer" brought me to the shelters link. There was the cutest purebred boxer female that was about 6 months old. I played with her about5 minutes and noted that she had been there 2 days and still had 29 days before she would be euthanized. We kept walking past cages and cages of puppys and dogs that were adorable. It was loud. Dogs were barking, music was blaring, inmates were yelling. We finally found "death row" and I almost walked past him. They called him "Ace" or #----- and he looked like he had given up on life. He was skinny even though there was a massive bowl of food in the corner. He was filthy and shaking. I tried to get him to come to me but he didn't have the strength or maybe he didn't have the urge to be loved. I turned to Chris and said he is mine. Chris was shocked. All he had heard for a month was boxer, boxer, boxer and now I wanted a filthy, skinny mutt. "What about the boxer at the beginning? Let's go see her one more time because you really wanted a boxer." I relunctantly said bye to "Ace" or #----- and went back to the boxer. She greeted me body wagging. Nope, no emotions, she was not the one. So we went in the office signed the papers and an inmate brought us the filthy, skinny black and white dog.

success for the pups!

So the past 2 days the pups have been on a probational period to see if their crates could go to storage. We shut all the doors, picked up ANYTHING that may be tempting and told them to "watch the house". 7 hours we returned. The house was in perfect condition, Riley was waiting by the door with his blanket and favorite toy and Lacey was sleeping on the couch. I was a very proud mommy, but I wasn't convinced that it wasn't a fluke. So today was day 2. This time we went 10 hours which was the longest time they would ever have to be alone. Again, Riley was loyally waiting by the door and Lacey was sleeping. So, they earned it! The crates will be moved to storage. The dogs are happy that they get freedom. I am happy I get my laundry room back!

I AM getting stronger. I dont cry as much. I smile often

So when most of you read the lyrics of SARA EVANS STRONGER you think of a break up. Not me. I read these lyrics and they put the loss of papa and the whole grieving process into perspective. I DO still feel the sting of the pain, I sometimes have to FORCE the smile onto my face but everyday I get stronger. Songs on the radio remind me of him but I no longer cry and lose it when I hear them. It WONT EVER be the same but I am getting stronger. I still havent made it to the month without crying but I am getting stronger. *sigh* Sappy sad note i know but just had to get the feelings out before i Broke.

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain

But I brushed my teeth anyway

I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face

I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt

So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you

I listened to it for minute but I changed it

I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out

I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels

Letting you drag my heart around

And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same

But I'm telling myself I'll be okay

Even on my weakest days

I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around

And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried

I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer

I'm busy getting stronger

wedding stresses

So it is weird to say, but in 45 days I will be Mallory Leighann Castleberry-Hermann. Yes I am hyphenating. I debated on the topic and decided that while I am very excited to be Mrs. Christopher Robert Hermann, I want to honor my family by kind of keeping my last name. I am proud of my heritage and where I came from. It's funny most women agree with me, but a lot of men have an issue with this. If the shoe were on the other foot, what would they do?

Anyways... I am super excited about the wedding but super nervous too. My main fear, waking up late and my hair not being done or my make up looking shiny or someone in the wedding party forgetting something. Yeah, not even nervous about the "I do" just the getting there.

I think Chris is getting nervous too. At least I hope thats why he has been a jerk lately. Seriously, if this continues I am going to kick his butt. He has been so "i hate everyone, everything, blah" lately and it is really bringing me down. I can feel his negativity weighing me down and I am about to break. It is not making wedding planning any easier. anywho... say a prayer for us.

One year and it still hurts

One year ago today my Papa Johnny left us. I do not even know where to begin explaining my feelings. He was one of the most important people in my life. I saw him everyday. I told him almost everything. I went to him for advice. Everyone talked about Papa and his babies and we were his pride and joy. We knew this and loved him just as much. Being the oldest I felt even closer to him. It was so hard to lose him.
So it has been 365 days. Still not any easier. I still cry a lot. I still feel empty. But at the same time I know he is better off. Maybe I should see this day as a celebration instead of trying to hide in my bed. I mean he is in a better place, no longer suffering here. The only reasons I cry are selfish ones. I am sad because I am here, not up there with him. Today was weird. I wanted to sleep through the whole day but that wasn't possible, so I decided to drag myself out of bed. I went to the office. The place he spent most of his days. I cried when I first got there but then got a grasp and actually enjoyed some of the day. Every once in awhile I had a small moment of sadness but it's okay. I have my memories and while at the beginning of the year I was so afraid I would start forgetting I now realize that is not the case. I still remember listening to George Jones with him non-stop. I remember dancing on his feet. I remember his amazing hamburgers. I remember driving down to the farm late at night with him. I remember the way he and nanny would make our birthdays so special. I will always have those memories and one day I will see him again.
God , I miss him. Here I am crying like a baby again, but I feel better getting some of this out.

Papa at Christmas

Here is the song I sang for him at his funeral:

Angel Band

Weekend with Chris

The past weekend was pretty much amazing. Chris surprised me by taking me to Atlantic Station. We went to Dialogue in the Dark and then the Bodies exhibit. Both were amazing. Dialoge in the Dark started in a room that was dimly lit. Then the lights went out and we had to go through four different scenarios, including grocery shopping. It was one of the most eye opening experiences. You realize how much your rely on sight and just how scary and confusing life would be without it. After Dialogue in the Dark we went into bodies. It was amazing to see all the blood vessels and what makes the body work. We also got to see smokers lung (Ew) and a brain hemorrhage. I realized that I learned a lot more than I thought in my past four years, which made me happy. Then we headed over to IKEA. It was amazing!!! I cannot wait to buy my house and decorate. I found the kitchen of my dreams.
Sunday morning we woke up and went to Chris's church. We watched a video with the church after the service and it was a life changing video. Then we went to Grandma and Grandpa's and played with the baby cousins. Chris is really good with kids by the way :) It was so sad to see the weekend disappear, but in 8 days we will get another one together!