Throw back Thursday.

I am linking up for Throwback Thursday. I am excited, but I don't know of the world is ready for my throwback pics.

Alright here we go. High school. 

That's me on the left. This was probably Junior year and we were part of the Cinderella musical. 

Too much cool? 

I thought so. 

We look like baby hoes with our cake make up and ringlets. 

It makes you wonder how I had a boyfriend.

But then I remembered Chris looked like this at the time... 

Sorry for the crappy phone photo, but look at that mushroom hair. 

Lovely, huh?

And yes we have been together off and on since high school. 

Awww.... 

Then HE gets baby fever...

Hey guys. It's me, Mrs. Confused. Always confused.

So if you read the other day you know I was freaking out about not having kids. The hubs wanted to wait, P.C.O.S says no, I don't know if I will ever be ready...

I finally came to the decision to feel at peace. I decided to give it to God. I thought I would just be me, continue to compete with the horses, because Lord knows that stops when you have a kid to support, and I would just enjoy life.

Without kids I have money to buy clothes and cars and horses. I can travel and relax. I mean this could be a good thing. I and I though, "hmm... wait a while and be selfish awhile longer..."

Then we are in bed about to doze off and hubs says, "I was thinking, I think 4 kids would be perfect. So we should probably have one in the next year." My reaction...

And then... 

I am so confused. I need a day or two to process. 

I mean agreeing to one would be cool... 4? He is insane. And I was just coming to terms with waiting. So why does he think it's okay to change his mind like some people change underwear. It's like he doesn't get that there are huge risk, and decisions and emotions attached to this. Ugh... I need wine and a BFF night. And tissue.

Fears

First let me warn you. I feel like this today...

And a little like this...

I usually get so depressed during the winter, but somehow I made it this year. I stayed strong. Then this week hit and some fears and depression crept in. I feel like I need to get them out before they take over.

My main fear...
Not having kids. It's so strange I have always been the one to say, " eh I don't have time for them right now." Then my cousin had Ms. Baby and I found out my younger sister is expecting and it hit me. I am almost 25 and there are no children in sight. My feminine issues are alive and well. The cysts are still attacking and I don't know if children are even possible. What if they aren't?

Hubs says he doesn't care. We can adopt. I can collect dogs or horses.... we don't have to have kids. But  maybe I want them. Hell, I don't even know if I want them. Some days baby fever is awful and takes over. Some days I am glad I can go ride my horses and drink wine all night. Maybe I just feel pressured because everyone else seems to be taking the step to parenthood. I feel like maybe it makes me less of an adult because I am not taking that leap yet. I feel like I will never be 100% ready.

 I am so conflicted and so confused and so emotional. I am sick of crying and feeling empty over it. I am hoping this is mainly PMS. Our plan is to be financially ready, house paid off... Now, my plan is to let God take over. I hope peace comes into my week.

Possible Casual Easter Look

Easter and Spring are just around the corner! We usually have a very casual breakfast then play "Easter Bunny" and hide eggs for the little ones in Chris's family. Then we head down to my family's gathering for a late lunch and hide more eggs and my sister the photographer takes a trillion photos.

My goal is to be comfy but still look good. I am loving the coral that is being splashed around and I love how the blue makes it pop. I need to find away to copy this look ASAP! What do ya'll think?

VILA lace crop top
$21 - vila.com

Paul joe sister
stylebop.com

Woven flat
shopruche.com

White House Black Market nickel free earrings
whitehouseblackmarket.com

Coral necklace
francescas.com

Retro jewelry
modcloth.com

This is what I do...

I have talked about my love of horses and the fact that I compete. I have shown a few pictures of my horses, but today I want to show you exactly what I do.

I compete and train in several disciplines. The first one is my favorite. It's an art and an OCD person's dream because it is about accuracy and perfection.

Dressage. In the upper levels, we make our horses dance.

And one of my other favorties...

                                         

I also ride Morgan Hunters. It's a little more intense, because sometimes there are 30 of us cantering in an arena together in herd.

                                             

Grand Nationals and the World Championship Show. 

I still get goosebumps and tears in my eyes, because I can remember the adrenaline walking into the arena. 

Can't believe I made it that far! 

So that's what I do. It's what keeps me sane.  I have to take 2 weeks off because of this stupid bronchitis and it is killing me! 

You're Meaghan Me Crazy Giveaway

Today Meghan from You're Meaghan Me Crazy is announcing her big birthday giveaway,  which I am apart of! Enter the giveaway and stop by and wish her a happy birthday!

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I am so excited to announce my first ever giveaway!  If you follow me on twitter or instagram you might have noticed me desperately asking for people to contribute to a group giveaway in celebration of my birthday next week!

I got some pretty amazing and beautiful people to help give you awesome people some kick ass prizes!

too many nouns?

click on a beautiful face to see their blog.

and because I like to share the love we will be having two winners.

 1^st Place

$20 sephora gift card from linny’s vault

easter basket full of goodies from lehmann laughter

$20 etsy gift card for jonikay52

$15 amazon gift card from maurer power

$15 starbucks gift card from you’re meaghan me crazy

2 months of gold ad space on daffodils and lace

1 month of loved ad space from you’re meaghan me crazy

5 redbox rental codes from busy as a honey bee

$115.50 value

2^nd Place

$20 target gift card from sweet home amy

$20 elf gift card from you’re meaghan me crazy

$10 amazon gift card form maurer power

$10 starbucks gift card from you’re meaghan me crazy

1 months of gold ad space on daffodils and lace

1 month of liked ad space from you’re meaghan me crazy

3 redbox rental codes from busy as a honey bee

1 month of letter ad space on jo my gosh

$59.50 value

good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Do you have the luck of the Irish? (Giveaway)

Hello ladies! 

Today my sponsors and I are announcing the March Giveaway! The ladies are wonderful so please check them out and let them know you visited.

Daliene at Daliene's Alamo Adventures will be giving away 3 months of large ad space! 

Terri at Rambling Momma will be giving away a sashay scarf of any color! 

Chelsea at Olive and Ivy will be giving away a custom post signature!

I will be giving away 2 months of Gold ad Space! 

Good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway