Space Cadet: A Pregnancy Story

It has been so long since I sat down to write a post. I keep thinking, "I really need to document my pregnancy for Ms. A", and now... "I really need to document her birth story," but then I sit down and my mind goes blank. It's like I forget what words are and how to string them together. Her journal is going equally well. I just can't get my life together.

It's kinda funny. People used to talk about baby brain and I would roll my eyes and say "Oh that will never be me. I will never let the child rule my thoughts." Ha, never say never.

When pregnant, I would do silly things like leave my cellphone in the refrigerator or forget to turn off the oven. Oops. I couldn't form sentences or remember words and all of the paperwork for work... HA! It's a good thing I work with dad and he kind of double checked everything at the end.

The worst case of baby brain had to be the day I was driving to work and turned a left off of our street and there were people walking down the road. They confused the hell out of me and for a brief 5 seconds, I could not for the life of me remember which side I was supposed to drive on. That scared the hell out of me and luckily Ava Grace was born the next week.

Baby brain has gotten better in some ways since she arrived. I am more alert and can focus and form sentences now, but I still think post pregnancy baby brain exist. I am forgetting things constantly. Like, "when did I shower last?, Did I put on deodorant? Have I had food today?" 

The kid takes all of my energy and brain power but gosh, I love her. Now that I kind of have a brain again maybe I can post her birth story this week!

We have a name!

We found out our little baby H is a girl! We were both a little shocked, because honestly this whole time we just felt like we were having a boy. Plus, all the old wives tales said boy and you know old wives tales are never wrong.

We are super excited to hold Ms. Ava Grace in December. Shopping for her is a blast. Little girl stuff is adorable but my problem is I just want to bring it all home!

The second trimester is starting to be kind. Thank God. Here are the usual updates:

Food - I can eat pretty much everything and man, has my appetite grown. I still get sick occasionally but nothing compared to what it was. I am loving lemonade right now. That is my go to drink. Food wise, it all sounds pretty good!

Changes I've noticed- My belly has popped a little more and I am feeling much more movement. She is super active. The tech said she was busy. Haha! Sleep is impossible. I am calling it practice for when she gets here.

The baby- Like I said, she is super active. She got mad at the tech for poking her and starting stomping her little feet. It was adorable but we are in trouble. She seems to have mama's sassy side. When Chris talks to Ava she kicks and squirms. I think she is going to be a daddy's girl.

Daddy- Chris is over the moon and it is adorable. He is so cute picking out little outfits and planning her nursery with me. He talks to her every night and is so proud to tell everyone about his little girl. He is already planning daddy/daughter trips and activities.

Seriously, it melts my heart.

We made it to week 18!

We are officially 18 weeks this week. I have heard so many people say that their pregnancy seemed to take forever.

That's not the case here.

I feel like it has flown by. That kinda scares me.  I am terrified of the whole giving birth thing. I mean a watermelon will be ripping me in half in 22 weeks. That makes me squeamish. Very squeamish. So back to the 18 week update...

Food- I am still get sick at least once a day. Sometimes it's in the AM, but usually my body decides that during the 5pm Atlanta rush hour sounds like a good time to forsake me. I am proud to say that I have not yet lost it in the car, but that is subject to change. Food is starting to sound better. I am loving butter pecan ice cream, corn salsa, and chicken chimichangas. This is much improved over peppermint tea and plain pasta!

Changes I've noticed- The baby bump has popped! I feel huge but I know I am only going to get bigger! My hips are sore and I read that's because they are starting to stretch. They can do all the preparing they need to make this easy. I will take the soreness. I also notice I am quicker to sunburn. I looked it up and it's really a thing and not just me. 60SPF is my friend. 

The baby- According to the Bump app baby is the size of a sweet potato. The bones are starting to harden and baby can hear sounds even though they are muffled. I am still feeling flutters and little one is wild when we go to the Dr. and it is hard to keep it still while we listen to the heart. 

Daddy- Chris is so excited and it is adorable. Even though we do not now if it will be a girl or a boy yet, he made me buy gender neutral onsies the other day because he cannot wait. We also went ahead and started setting up the nursery. We are going with a nautical theme and I cannot wait to decorate. 

1st trimester recap

I did it! I made it through the first trimester!! What a freaking ride...

The whole first trimester was pretty much the same. It included stuff stretching, being super tired and LOTS of vomiting. So, I decided to spare everyone the weekly updates which would have been, "I vomited this week and the Dr. threatened to make me get fluids so I choked down some Pedialyte."

That was pretty much the first 14 weeks.

Seriously, the first trimester was tough. There were some days I could not even keep down water. I was super weak and I managed to lose 12 pounds.  I called my mom at one point crying and declaring, "What have I done? Why did I think I could handle this? I can't do this?! How did that Duggar lady do this 19 times?!"

Mom laughed at me, said I told you so and informed me that a lot of ladies don't have it this bad. Mom actually had it worse. She was super sick and was on bed rest, so she probably thought suck it up kid. My neighbor informed me she barely knew she was pregnant the whole time and I wanted to call her ugly names but I refrained.

So quick over view...

Food - I couldn't eat anything but plain pasta and watermelon and popsicles and cheese pizza. It sucked. This baby HATES sweets so no cookies or chocolate or any of that. I can't handle sweet tea. Sweet tea y'all. It has ran through my veins for so long I think I am detoxing. I also can't handle fried foods. Did I mention I live in GEORGIA?

Changes I've noticed- My boobs are already big but they are even bigger now! Chris is loving that.  My jeans no longer fit but that's okay. I have been wearing dresses and they show off the bump and I kinda love that.

The baby... Little one is the size of a navel orange and very active! I am feeling flutters and when we go to the Dr. you can hear baby H kicking at the heart monitor. That is the coolest thing ever.

Daddy... I know he is super nervous. His anxiety has kicked into high gear. At the same time, he is so excited. He has taken care of everything in the house while I have been sick. He works his but off at work. He talks to the baby every night and sleeps with his hand on my tummy. He asks randomly through the day, " Have you  felt flutters today? Are you okay today? How's the baby doing?" It is adorable. Daddy is the cutest role on him.

So that is the first trimester for us. It is hard but amazing. I can't wait for December!

Slacking for a good reason...

So March 5th I blogged about staying on task and blah, blah, blah. Then I got off task and lost track of time and stopped blogging or doing anything productive for that matter. I cut back my hours at work, started sleeping late and stopped eating. Sounds like a downward spiral, huh?

Nope. I am fine! I am just pregnant! 

We are so excited. After our loss we were scared to try again, mainly because we were scared to lose again. Before the ultrasound Chris was a nervous wreck, but then we saw our very active little gummy bear. It still didn't seem real. The Dr. turned on the doppler and we sat there in awe as we listened to the heart beat. 

Morning sickness has been terrible. I have barely been able to keep down water but I don't care. I just take it as a sign that our baby is thriving! Tomorrow I enter the second trimester so I will do a first trimester post. Keep baby in your prayers! 

Changed in an instant

My life changed instantly.

 I saw two pink lines and my life changed. A few weeks later as the doctor explained that my little peanut was no more my life changed again.

It's weird, I was so nervous about being a mom and so afraid I wasn't ready. I now realize that I want nothing more than to hold my child.

We were devastated at first. I cried more than I have ever cried before. Chris cried... Chris cried.
My body hasn't recognized it yet. I have technically had a missed miscarriage. It is hard waiting.

We have realized now that this is God's plan. It happened for a reason. I am still a mother.

                                                                            Via

We do plan on trying again and we are hoping we will be blessed again. For now all we can do is pray.

Praying they are wrong

We had our first ultrasound Tuesday. We went in excited. Planning and smiling.

We came out crying.

They couldn't find a heartbeat and the sac is measuring 8 weeks and the baby is measuring 5. They told me to prepare for a miscarriage and I felt like someone had just ripped out my heart.

I came home and we laid in bed and cried. I called mom because she has had 3 miscarriages. I called my sister and my cousin who both have used the same doctor. They both said he couldn't find their babies heartbeats either. The same Dr. told my sister her pregnancy was a false pregnancy for the first month. I felt a little better.

I jumped on The Bump and started researching. Some women said this happened to them and their babies were fine. Some women suffered miscarriages. I called my friend who is a midwife and she reassured me that the sonograms are so inaccurate that they really can't tell much but that a miscarriage is possible. She said to continue on like nothing is wrong.

  So now we wait.

I started thinking about how I have always been the girl who was kinda take it or leave it on the kids topic. If I had them great, if I didn't oh well. Then we started trying and I realized I REALLY wanted a child. When we became pregnant I started to second guess. Was I ready? Would I be a good mom? What if I hated waking up every two hours? What if I couldn't handle having someone attached to me 24/7?

Then this happened. I realized I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I love this child more than I have ever loved anything. I am ready to be a mom. I NEED to be a mom.

I realize this post is a ramble. I had to get it out. Just pray for us please.

Week #8

Week 8. How am I already 8 weeks pregnant? I feel like I just found out. I actually cried a little when I realized the first trimester is 2/3 done. I am extremely weepy these days. No one tells you that.

Actually there is a lot no one tells you...

Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant. I love this child already more than I thought possible. However, pregnancy is weird and I think people should be fair warned.

 The symptoms aren't what I thought they would be. 
It wasn't the missed period and sleepiness and slightly upset stomach I thought it would be. Oh no, Baby H wanted to make an announcement. I am talking excruciating cramps. I thought "Wow, this period is going to be rough." Little did I know we were going to bypass that fiasco this month. After 2 weeks of cramping I realized I was a little late and decided to take a test. And then another. And then Another. All positive. Apparently that pain is everything adjusting down there and will get worse. Lovely.

Morning sickness is a lie. 
No sickness of the morning here. It is actually just constant sickness and actually it gets worse in the evening when it is time for the yummy food like steak. I miss steak. I did find these magical things called Preggy Pops. I love saying Preggy Pops but seriously, they work almost instantly. The food aversions are real. I haven't wanted any sweets and I am typically a chocoholic.

Crying... oh the crying... 
So, everything makes me want to cry. Especially if it is child or animal related. And if I do start crying, I can't stop. It can be an hour later and tears will be streaming down my face and I can't stop! I feel like a lunatic.

My face looks like a 14 year old boys.
No pregnancy glow here. Just a lot of face wash and acne. Just my luck. Oh yeah, and your hair falls.

Despite all of this I am super excited and I actually don't mind it all. It just is so weird. By the way, the baby is the size of a green olive and I may have cried when I looked at the chart and realized a watermelon is on that chart.

Oh Baby!

Thursday April 11th. I took dinner to Chris at the office because he had the night shift. I left around 10:30pm and on the way home started thinking about things to put on my grocery list for the next day.

Bread, milk, tampons... Wait that was supposed to be here like last week.

I chalked it up to the stress we have been having due to an emergency remodel on the basement (it flooded). I mean there is no way we were actually going to be parents.

When I got home I took a test just in case and felt confused as I saw two pink lines appear on the test. We have had so many negatives this year while trying that I thought this was a fluke. I took another one.

Two pink lines.

I called mama. "Mom, I just got a positive. How accurate are these things? Should I take another?" She assured me it was probably pretty accurate. I sat there in shock.

It was 11:30 at this point. I hopped back in the car and went back to the office. Chris was in the lounge watching a movie. " Turn off your movie" I said. I handed him the test. We hugged. I cried.

He later told me the way I came in there so late and crying he thought  someone had died. Oops. Not the mood I was going for.

So yeah, we are going to be parents! We are due December 8th!