10 Bible Verses for when you are stressed

Let me start by saying I love where I am in life. I think right now, in this moment I am exactly where I am meant to be. I was terrified of becoming a mom. I had always been a free spirit and maybe a bit selfish. I didn't know if I could handle all the responsibility. I didn't know how I would handle someone being dependent on me 24/7.

I have to say, those fears were ridiculous. I have never been happier than I am now with my little one. I feel at peace in this role as "mama" but I will say there are definitely new stresses now as well. Fitting in time to pump, play time, snuggle time, basic baby care, basic mama care (showering, eating, getting dressed...), work, blogging, cooking, cleaning, a social life... wait, I have a social life? Barely.  Then I have to find time to be a wife, a daughter and a sister. Some days I feel like I am carrying a huge pile of porcelain plates and one wrong breath can send them all tumbling down.

I reached for my Bible to help alleviate some of my stress and I am sharing 10 Bible verses that calm me during stressful times, starting with my favorite.

1. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~ Matthew 6:34

2. "25And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span? 26 If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?  ²⁷Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. " ~ Luke 12:25-27

3. "Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad" ~ Proverbs 12:25

4. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." ~ Philippians 4:6

5.  "Say to those with anxious heart, “Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; The recompense of God will come, But He will save you.” ~ Isaiah 35:4

6. "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." ~ Isaiah 41:10

7. “ Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.” ~ Deuteronomy 7: 9

8. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” ~ Galatians 6: 9

9. “Be still and know that I am God.” ~ Psalm 46:10

10. "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. " ~56:3

Peace be with you.

Joining the Exclusive Pumping Club

I did not choose the pump life, the pump life chose me.

I was dead set on breastfeeding. I had a double electric pump just in case I wanted to go out and needed to pump Ava's meal for Deedee and Pop (my mom and dad) to watch her. It never crossed my mind that breastfeeding didn't come natural to everyone and I never thought I would be an exclusive pumper. But, that is where I am at right now (No, I am seriously attached to my pump as I type this). 

The minute Ava was placed on my chest and we attempted to breastfeed she did great. Latched right on and fed for 15 minutes her first try. I was so happy and the nurses were impressed. The next few days we kept attempting to nurse but I could tell something wasn't right. Ava made a clicking noise and breastfeeding was so painful. My nipples were bleeding and I didn't know how much more I could take. My nurse called in the L.C, who said she thought I was doing fine but she gave me a shield just in case. Mind you, the woman never watched Ava latch because Ava was sleeping and she told me not to wake her up, so how the hell did she know how we were doing?

Once we got home breastfeeding became more troublesome. Ava would get frustrated and I would get frustrated. We both cried.  I started googling breastfeeding advice and looking up proper latching. I noticed Ava's top lip was turning in. We had a mild lip tie. I called mom and told her I had no idea what to do. My mom assured me that all of her children had ties and still successfully nursed. Well, except me... I was the first and a formula baby because she was working. Mom offered to come over and help me and when she showed up I felt to relieved! Until we noticed another problem...

Apparently, my nipples suck. I never realized I had weird nipple but apparently I do and that was the biggest issue Ava had. My nipples are flat and my boobs are huge so she can't get enough in her mouth. Add that to the lip tie and we are batting 0-2. My husband and I discussed it and decided that it wasn't worth putting Ava through getting the lip tie fixed if it wouldn't affect her later because with my stupid nipples she still probably couldn't breast feed. The pediatrician agreed with us.

That evening I walked into my bedroom, hooked up my pump and cried as I pumped a bottle for my sweet Ava Grace. I knew that it was the right thing to do, that fed is best. At the same time, I felt like I was missing out on a huge part of motherhood. I wanted that breastfeeding bond. I sucked it up and told myself it would be okay. I took the bottle to Chris and smiled through my tears as he finally got to feed our daughter. I realized that there were benefits. He would get to help with feedings and she was still getting the "liquid gold".

Pumping is not easy. Some days I feel like I am attached to that machine all day. Finding a place to pump when out in public is not always easy. I have to take either the big pump or the hand pump every where I go. I struggle with supply because of PCOS and now I fear that I will have to supplement. I know, I know... fed is best. It won't be the end of the world if I have to supplement.

With that being said, pumping is also rewarding. I am not missing out. Chris gets to help feed when I need him to. That is a blessing! I am still providing nutrients for our baby girl and I still get those sleepy milk drunk smiles. The best of both worlds. Pumping is becoming more normal and there are huge support groups for it now and I have met some great mama's through pumping. It might not be for everyone but it is what works for us. Fed is best.

2 Months!

My little one is growing so fast! We have reached two months and she has changed so much. Her little personality is growing more and more daily. She is a smiling, cooing little bundle of joy. 

She fights sleep like Ronda Rousey, but once she is down for the night we get 6-9 hours! She loves her mobile, piano play mat and her mirror. 

Ava Grace : Birth Story Part 2

I finally have a minute to finish little one's birth story.

We were to the part where we went to the hospital. We go in and they send us to our room. The nurse comes in and starts going through all the fun check in questions. Once she is done with that Chris runs to the car to get our things and I call mama and daddy. They had picked up my sister, Anna and my grandmother and were on the way down. 

They arrived just as Chris was bringing up dinner. Only two people were allowed in the room with me at a time so everyone started rotating shifts. At 9pm the nurse came in and inserted Cervadil to get things going. I was told that at 9am they would start Pitocin. I thought we had plenty of time to sleep and rest up. Ava Grace had other plans. 

4am

I get up to pee and climb back into bed and hook myself back up to the annoying monitors. I was trying to get comfy and was snuggling the labor bear (bear made from the quilt that was in the room when my great grandmother delivered each of her children) and decided to roll over. That's when I felt a pop and warm fluid running down my thighs. At this point mom was in the room and my dad, grandmother, sister and hubby were all supposed to be chilling in the lobby. I woke mom up and she went to get a nurse while I called Chris. He was in the room within 60 seconds. He had been sleeping in the car because it was more comfy. How he made it that fast, I will never know. 

I looked at the clock and it was 4:30am. I had to pee again and started vomiting (morning sickness to the end!). The nurse came in at 5am. She checked me and I was dilated to 5. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I said "yes, please!". So, she went off to order it and said I had some time. I swear, the second she walked out the door I told mom and Chris, "I think this is it. I need to push."

At 5:50am the nurse and midwife came in to set up the room. The anesthesiologist came in to do the epidural and my vein collapsed for my IV so he said he would come back after they got a new one started. We didn't make it that far...

At 6:15 I looked at the midwife and said, "I can't wait for the Dr. or the epidural. I need to push now." At this point they were rushing to get the room ready, she was getting dressed and I said to hell with it I can't wait and started pushing by myself. I couldn't believe that I was going through NATURAL child birth. What the heck?!

I pushed like 5 times and at 6:34am Ava Grace entered the world. It went so fast and I was so proud of myself for doing it natural! I felt like superwoman and then they laid my precious gift on my chest. I looked at her, and said, "Hello my baby Ava Grace. We have been waiting so long for you." It was magical. There is nothing like meeting your first child.

Ava Grace: 1 month

Blogging with an infant is hard!

She is definitely over a month old now and I haven't finished her birth story but I had to share. I mean look at those eyes. Swoon.

The first month flew by. Time, slow down!

We are learning each other still but everything is starting to click. She definitely has an angry cry. She is a daddy's girl and prefers to snuggle with him at night. She is fascinated by Riley and will watch him for the longest time. Bath time is her favorite and will usually relax her to sleep. She is smiling and can roll from her tummy to her back. She will do it over and over again. She is very strong for her age. A strong core could mean a future equestrian! She sleeps in 4 hour stretches through the night (sometimes longer) and we hope that lasts! She is learning to like the car (finally) so maybe we can start adventuring out more.

We love watching her learn new things and take in the world around her. I can't wait to see what this next month brings and what new things she learns along the way.

 

Ava Grace's Birth Story: Part 1

Going into this pregnancy I was terrified. I do not do well with medical stuff and the thought of being poked and groped and in a hospital terrified me. I considered a home birth because I knew that I was risking a panic attack by delivering in a hospital. Towards the end of the pregnancy I was so over it I didn't care where I delivered. I just wanted her out. I tried everything to induce labor. EVERYTHING...

Pineapple juice, spicy food, eggplant parmesan, walking, bouncing, nipple stimulation, sex... Nothing worked. People risked their lives when they would ask, " You still haven't had that baby?" Um... I still look like a freaking beached whale don't I? I was irritable and so ready to have Ava Grace in my arms.

The best thing I did was join a Facebook group for mommies due in December. We all battled the pregnancy woes together and they assured me my body could do this. We all naively compared birth plans and I actually thought I stood a good chance of sticking to mine. It was simple and didn't include any crazy requests.

 I wanted to be able to avoid the IV as long as possible.
 I only wanted my mom and Chris in the room.
 I didn't want many visitors before, during and after.
And the most important one...
I wanted the epidural. ASAP.

I didn't need a special playlist or a special tea to relax me or any of that. I just wanted the drugs so hopefully I wouldn't panic or throw up and pass out from pain. I pictured myself going into labor at work and strolling to the car. Hubs would drive me to the hospital we would check in. I would get the drugs and all would be well. Ha... Little did I know...

She was due Friday, December 4th. She didn't get the memo. Saturday and Sunday I felt like crap. My hands were swelling and I felt light headed. My appointment was Wednesday to talk about our next step, but I knew I probably wouldn't make it until then.

Monday morning I woke up and went to work. My sister and I were working on setting up our new office so it was kind of a chill day but around 10:00AM my hands started swelling  to the point where I couldn't make a fist. I tried to ignore it but then my vision started to blur. Fun, I know.

I called the Dr and they said to come in so I got my grandmother to drive me because I couldn't see road signs at that point. At the Dr. they said my blood pressure was high. I was dilated to a 2 and Ava Grace was at station 2. Final verdict: go to the hospital, we will induce you.

I was so nervous but so excited all at the same time. It kind of hit me... I am about to have to push a child out of my body! I went and picked up hubs and we grabbed lunch and headed to the hospital.
That's where the real fun starts...

Space Cadet: A Pregnancy Story

It has been so long since I sat down to write a post. I keep thinking, "I really need to document my pregnancy for Ms. A", and now... "I really need to document her birth story," but then I sit down and my mind goes blank. It's like I forget what words are and how to string them together. Her journal is going equally well. I just can't get my life together.

It's kinda funny. People used to talk about baby brain and I would roll my eyes and say "Oh that will never be me. I will never let the child rule my thoughts." Ha, never say never.

When pregnant, I would do silly things like leave my cellphone in the refrigerator or forget to turn off the oven. Oops. I couldn't form sentences or remember words and all of the paperwork for work... HA! It's a good thing I work with dad and he kind of double checked everything at the end.

The worst case of baby brain had to be the day I was driving to work and turned a left off of our street and there were people walking down the road. They confused the hell out of me and for a brief 5 seconds, I could not for the life of me remember which side I was supposed to drive on. That scared the hell out of me and luckily Ava Grace was born the next week.

Baby brain has gotten better in some ways since she arrived. I am more alert and can focus and form sentences now, but I still think post pregnancy baby brain exist. I am forgetting things constantly. Like, "when did I shower last?, Did I put on deodorant? Have I had food today?" 

The kid takes all of my energy and brain power but gosh, I love her. Now that I kind of have a brain again maybe I can post her birth story this week!

We have a name!

We found out our little baby H is a girl! We were both a little shocked, because honestly this whole time we just felt like we were having a boy. Plus, all the old wives tales said boy and you know old wives tales are never wrong.

We are super excited to hold Ms. Ava Grace in December. Shopping for her is a blast. Little girl stuff is adorable but my problem is I just want to bring it all home!

The second trimester is starting to be kind. Thank God. Here are the usual updates:

Food - I can eat pretty much everything and man, has my appetite grown. I still get sick occasionally but nothing compared to what it was. I am loving lemonade right now. That is my go to drink. Food wise, it all sounds pretty good!

Changes I've noticed- My belly has popped a little more and I am feeling much more movement. She is super active. The tech said she was busy. Haha! Sleep is impossible. I am calling it practice for when she gets here.

The baby- Like I said, she is super active. She got mad at the tech for poking her and starting stomping her little feet. It was adorable but we are in trouble. She seems to have mama's sassy side. When Chris talks to Ava she kicks and squirms. I think she is going to be a daddy's girl.

Daddy- Chris is over the moon and it is adorable. He is so cute picking out little outfits and planning her nursery with me. He talks to her every night and is so proud to tell everyone about his little girl. He is already planning daddy/daughter trips and activities.

Seriously, it melts my heart.

We made it to week 18!

We are officially 18 weeks this week. I have heard so many people say that their pregnancy seemed to take forever.

That's not the case here.

I feel like it has flown by. That kinda scares me.  I am terrified of the whole giving birth thing. I mean a watermelon will be ripping me in half in 22 weeks. That makes me squeamish. Very squeamish. So back to the 18 week update...

Food- I am still get sick at least once a day. Sometimes it's in the AM, but usually my body decides that during the 5pm Atlanta rush hour sounds like a good time to forsake me. I am proud to say that I have not yet lost it in the car, but that is subject to change. Food is starting to sound better. I am loving butter pecan ice cream, corn salsa, and chicken chimichangas. This is much improved over peppermint tea and plain pasta!

Changes I've noticed- The baby bump has popped! I feel huge but I know I am only going to get bigger! My hips are sore and I read that's because they are starting to stretch. They can do all the preparing they need to make this easy. I will take the soreness. I also notice I am quicker to sunburn. I looked it up and it's really a thing and not just me. 60SPF is my friend. 

The baby- According to the Bump app baby is the size of a sweet potato. The bones are starting to harden and baby can hear sounds even though they are muffled. I am still feeling flutters and little one is wild when we go to the Dr. and it is hard to keep it still while we listen to the heart. 

Daddy- Chris is so excited and it is adorable. Even though we do not now if it will be a girl or a boy yet, he made me buy gender neutral onsies the other day because he cannot wait. We also went ahead and started setting up the nursery. We are going with a nautical theme and I cannot wait to decorate. 

1st trimester recap

I did it! I made it through the first trimester!! What a freaking ride...

The whole first trimester was pretty much the same. It included stuff stretching, being super tired and LOTS of vomiting. So, I decided to spare everyone the weekly updates which would have been, "I vomited this week and the Dr. threatened to make me get fluids so I choked down some Pedialyte."

That was pretty much the first 14 weeks.

Seriously, the first trimester was tough. There were some days I could not even keep down water. I was super weak and I managed to lose 12 pounds.  I called my mom at one point crying and declaring, "What have I done? Why did I think I could handle this? I can't do this?! How did that Duggar lady do this 19 times?!"

Mom laughed at me, said I told you so and informed me that a lot of ladies don't have it this bad. Mom actually had it worse. She was super sick and was on bed rest, so she probably thought suck it up kid. My neighbor informed me she barely knew she was pregnant the whole time and I wanted to call her ugly names but I refrained.

So quick over view...

Food - I couldn't eat anything but plain pasta and watermelon and popsicles and cheese pizza. It sucked. This baby HATES sweets so no cookies or chocolate or any of that. I can't handle sweet tea. Sweet tea y'all. It has ran through my veins for so long I think I am detoxing. I also can't handle fried foods. Did I mention I live in GEORGIA?

Changes I've noticed- My boobs are already big but they are even bigger now! Chris is loving that.  My jeans no longer fit but that's okay. I have been wearing dresses and they show off the bump and I kinda love that.

The baby... Little one is the size of a navel orange and very active! I am feeling flutters and when we go to the Dr. you can hear baby H kicking at the heart monitor. That is the coolest thing ever.

Daddy... I know he is super nervous. His anxiety has kicked into high gear. At the same time, he is so excited. He has taken care of everything in the house while I have been sick. He works his but off at work. He talks to the baby every night and sleeps with his hand on my tummy. He asks randomly through the day, " Have you  felt flutters today? Are you okay today? How's the baby doing?" It is adorable. Daddy is the cutest role on him.

So that is the first trimester for us. It is hard but amazing. I can't wait for December!

Slacking for a good reason...

So March 5th I blogged about staying on task and blah, blah, blah. Then I got off task and lost track of time and stopped blogging or doing anything productive for that matter. I cut back my hours at work, started sleeping late and stopped eating. Sounds like a downward spiral, huh?

Nope. I am fine! I am just pregnant! 

We are so excited. After our loss we were scared to try again, mainly because we were scared to lose again. Before the ultrasound Chris was a nervous wreck, but then we saw our very active little gummy bear. It still didn't seem real. The Dr. turned on the doppler and we sat there in awe as we listened to the heart beat. 

Morning sickness has been terrible. I have barely been able to keep down water but I don't care. I just take it as a sign that our baby is thriving! Tomorrow I enter the second trimester so I will do a first trimester post. Keep baby in your prayers! 

5 tips to stay on task

It's ironic that I am posting this today because I have gotten 0 accomplished since I woke up this morning. Seriously. Maybe this post will motivate me to actually get going.

Photo By Quinn Dombrowski via StockPholio.com 

1. Check your social media then close the tabs.
Facebook and twitter are the biggest time suckers. You check every thing then "Oh look, someone else posted. And there's that person from highschool you havent talked to in years. Who did they end up marrying? Really? Hmm.... not what I expected. Let's take a gander at his friends. Yes,  I just said gander. So I check it and close it and only allow myself to check it on breaks.

2. Make a to do list.
My planner is not set up by times or morning, afternoon, evening. I have it set up by "to-do" lists. If something doesn't get accomplished today it will be rewritten on tomorrow's list. I write everything down from phone calls to make, tasks to do, appointments and dinner plans. It is all there. This kinda helps me see how much I have to get done and prioritize.

3. Set up your workspace.
In the morning when I get in my office, I go ahead and get my coffee and water ready on my desk. I keep snacks handy so I don't waste time going to the snack machine. Then I put my to do list where I can see it. After that there is no excuse to wander around the office and in the lounge.

4. Eat a good breakfast.
If I am hungry you can forget me staying on task. So I try to eat a healthy, protein rich breakfast so I stay full and focused.

5. Give yourself breaks.
If I try to work through the day without any breaks I find my mind wandering and I zone out and then the day is gone. I might as well go home at that point. So I try to giv myself a 5 minute break every hour or so to break up the time. I will walk around or check social media or read a blog post. Anything to give my brain a break from work.

Usually this plan works for me and I can make it through my day in a somewhat productive manor. How do you stay on task?

Making my childhood home, MY home

I was recently inspired by Compass, an excellent site that offers a neighborhood guide for NYC and DC. You can view houses to buy or rent, list your own home or check out different neighborhoods to see which would be a good fit for you. I love this. I lucked out and bought a house in the neighborhood I grew up in. There were no surprises, and I knew what to expect. If I had to buy elsewhere I would definitely want a little insight into the neighborhoods around to choose the perfect fit for me.

So how did I end up in the neighborhood I was raised in? It's a sweet story actually...

My grandfather always told me that if he were alive and able he would build a house for me when I grew up. As a little girl, I admired the houses and buildings he built and dreamed about my own. I thought about sweeping front porches, big oak trees and a cozy fireplace all crafted by my talented grandfather. Sadly, he passed away before I was ready for my own home.

Two years later, Chris and I were married and shopping for our first home. I was drawn to the sweeping front porches, big oak trees and cozy fireplaces. There were very few that fit my wants and needs and I started to get frustrated. It seemed impossible. 

Then one day my dad called and said he had found a lovely horse farm that was gorgeous and way out of my price range. I looked at it and it was amazing but there was no way I could afford it. Dad revealed that he wanted to buy it for mom and wanted to offer me my childhood home. The one my grandfather built. The one with a large front porch, two oak trees overlooking my horse's pasture and a fireplace that my grandfather laid brick by brick. 

I cried. Chris and I talked about it and prayed about it and ended up buying the house. The day we closed Chris looked at me and said, " He built a house for you."

My challenge started when we moved in. I had to make a house I had lived in for 23 years with my parents, my own. All of their stuff left and I was left with big empty rooms. I began moving my stuff in and arranged it the old familiar way. It felt like I was a visitor in my parents home. So I rearranged my stuff and started buying new things that made the space feel like mine.

My childhood bedroom would be the guest bedroom. I wanted it to be elegant and have a vintage feel. I took an antique dresser that my mother left behind and moved it to the room. I added a furry rug, my antique twin bed, and some equestrian props. The room really came together and felt like my space. I loved it.

Next, I turned my attention to my baby sister's room. It is a very large room and I didn't have a need for another bedroom so I turned it into my office. Bright colors and contrasting furniture set the mood. I added a wall of bookshelves and centered my desk. The space is bright and open and I love working there. 

The living room was the hardest room to make feel like my own. There are only so many ways that the furniture works because of the floor plan. I decided to go super simple and cozy in this room. Warm colors that glow when there is a fire in the fire place, ceiling to floor drapes and polished wood. I added the bench my other grandfather built me against the stairs and some cute throw pillows. The living room ended up being very cozy. 

I am very happy with our home. It truly feels like our place now and I am excited about all of our future plans for it. 

The other day my mom was talking to me about the house and she said, "The four most important men in your life are apart of that house. Your dad has worked on it, my dad and his dad built it from the staircase to the fireplace to the walls and now your husband is patching and renovating it." 

It was a "wow" moment for sure. I am blessed. 

A tip for a strong marriage

Today I am sharing one of my favorite blog posts about how we make our marriage a happy one. This is from the archives and three years later I still credit it as one of the reasons we are strong in our marriage and growing stronger.

Life Giving....

Today's I opened my devotional app and this is what I read:

 "My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God , namely, Christ.
- Colossians 2:2

The app went on to talk about seeking community and love, but my mind wandered to my marriage and how united we have been lately. You may remember how I have talked about the fact that our marriage isn't all peaches and cream , but lately I have been really trying and I think we are the strongest we have ever been. It all falls back to seeking love and being life giving.

Life giving? What is that?
When I first heard it I didn't fully understand either.

My husband's church required us to go to pre-marriage counseling and the main thing I took away from it is to be life-giving daily. What does it mean to be life-giving? It means doing the small, self-sacrificing things for one another and not only doing those things but at the end of the day thanking one another for doing those things. God sacrificed for us and showed us the ultimate love and by sacrificing, even a little, we show a glimmer of that love.

Some examples...
-When I stop on the way to work and get him a limeade from Sonic just because I know he loves them and it will make his day.

-When he does the dishes so I can get in 5 more minutes of blogging.

-When I send him an encouraging text through a rough day.

-When he cleans my horse's stall so I can soak in the tub.

All of those are life-giving moments. It breathes life into the relationship. It gives the other person a boost in life. It shows love. We thank one another for these moments because we know they are not necessary. I encourage you to do something life-giving for someone you care for. And remember, if someone does something life-giving for you, thank them for showing you love.

Wild Horses

The past few days have been insanely busy.

From a 2 day cram course for the state exam to craziness at work, it has been a headache. I need to relax at my happy place.

I finally got to ride again after a week of nasty weather. It was a gorgeous day, 60 degrees and sunny. I figured the horses would be on their best behavior because they had lots of outside time, blankets were off and the weather was gorgeous. Boy was I wrong.

The lesson horses were doing every little thing they could to be put on the naughty list. Shortcake even decided to bite. Yes, bite. In the 15 years I have never even known her to attempt to nip, much less full on bite. I knew we were doomed.

We worked and got all the kids up on their mounts and in the arena and my trainer took over the lessons.

I walked in to get my usual hunter horse, Soul, only to realize my hunt saddle was on one of the lesson horses. I decided to go on a whim and ride him in a dressage saddle and work on some lateral movements with him.

Yeah, about that...

I took him to the mounting block and he would not sit still. I got on him and he immediately started to jog. I finally got him to chill and we went to work at the trot. He was so strong. It felt like I was holding all 1000 pounds of him. Thanks, Soul. In  the canter I had to half halt strong and repeatedly ask him to woah. It didn't work.

In the cool out he decided his shenanigans were not over and spooked/tried to run off because another horse trotted, then 3 people were whispering on the sidelines and then because the wind blew. This horse has been on an airplane, in coliseums with screaming people and we have ridden in the rain.

He was full of himself and today my shoulders are on fire. Thanks, Soul.

A few of my Thousand

Remember when I started reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp ? 

Well, school got in the way and I put it down. I still kept up with my 1000 gift journal though and I thought I would share some of my little gifts and blessings today. Mom was right when she said the book is life changing. I highly recommend it. 

Stephanie Watson via StockPholio.com 

Here are a few of my first blessings I recorded:

#1 Hay. The smell of it. The sight of it baled in the field. The sense of accomplishment from getting it all up. 

#2 A hot drink on a cold day. 

#3 Polishing old cars with daddy. 

#4. A baby's laugh. 

#5 Hearts and Flowers trips with mama and my sisters

#6 An old time revival 

#7 Gathering at the river for a Baptism

#8 Bluegrass music

#9 Sticking my feet in a cold creek.

#10 Feeling the velvet of a horses muzzle

#11 The jokes my husband and I share. 

#12 All Chris does for us to have our little life.

#13 Bonfires on a fall night

#14 Praying together nightly

#15 The view of the rolling hills at the farm.

#16 The humbled feeling after turning your pain over to God.

#17 The way my sisters just get me.

#18 How mama knows exactly what I need to hear. 

#20 A fire in the fireplace on a super cold night. 

#21 Rain on a tin roof

#22 Sweet tea in a mason jar

#23 Prayer when it all seems to be falling apart. 

#24 The final salute after an amazing dressage test. 

#25 The colors of fall

The beauty of this book and keeping a blessings journal is that it makes you aware of even the smallest blessings. It has made me a much more positive, satisfied person. 

Granny's Bowl

Confession: I love vintage Pyrex. 

A few years ago at my bridal shower my mama gave me one piece of Pyrex that is irreplaceable. 

She gave me my Great-grandmothers "pudding bowl". 

It was the last gift I opened. Mama waited until I had opened everything else and handed it to me. We had my shower a week after the wedding and my granny had passed after a battle with bone cancer on my wedding day, so the pain of losing her was still raw. Granny, and mama had a very special very strong bond and the fact that mama gave it to me meant so much. I remember looking up and mama had excused herself. Dad walked over and hugged me and said mom had a hard time parting with something so sentimental. She had gone back and forth and decided it was meant to have a place in my home. 

I cried and vowed it would always have a place among my fine china. That is where it has stayed. 

Granny and Papa were farmers so money was tight and most of her stuff was hand me downs. This bowl was a splurge and she used it to take her amazing homemade banana pudding to church gatherings and get togethers. There is no telling how times the bowl was pulled off the shelf for her special sweet treat. I like to imagine her with her gospel music playing, dancing around the kitchen getting ready for lunch after revival. 

This bowl is more than a bowl. It's my mama's sacrifice and love. It's traditions and recipes passed on. It's memories and history. I think we all have those little things that have been passed on. Those little things that are so small but mean so much.

 What is one of your favorite sentimental keepsakes?

Back in the Saddle

This past weekend it poured rain but I still made it to the barn to work on the whole "perfect my seat" part of my 2015 goals. Cindy (my trainer's trainer) was in town to whip us into shape. I knew going into this that I would be in for it. I knew I had taken to much time off, but I signed up for it with a goal in mind.

We were standing around talking about our goals and I said I wanted to perfect my seat and I saw the gleam in my trainer's eye. Uh-oh, this means sore muscles for weeks! She told me to grab Raffany.

Doesn't he look thrilled? And ignore the barn aisle. This is after 15 lessons and kids. 

He was actually really good. We worked on my seat and his lazy trot. Cindy made us do, what felt like 100 transitions from trot to walk to canter to walk to trot to canter to trot. It really made me more aware of my seat and brought me back. I tend to lean forward like a hunter. My large chest doesn't help. It also brought him back on his haunches which is how he is supposed to carry himself and enabled him to trot more forward and light. He became putty in my hands and came round into the contact. When he gets like that it feels like magic.

The next day my abs, shoulders and thighs were on fire. Not as bad as I thought they would be, so I was kind of proud of myself, but sore enough that I took a day off.

Monday, I went back to the barn and worked with Soul.

Look at that handsome face. He is the love of my life and my husband has accepted it.

Monday we worked on more transitions. Soul tells on me a little more than Raffany and will let the trainer know the second I do anything wrong. Soul and I have also worked together as a team for years so he knows my ques and I know his so our errors are more obvious. Cindy really went to work on strengthening my core muscles. Ow. Then during all of our transitions to canter from walk and back she noticed my hands slid forward and my body flew forward when I got unsure that he was going to listen. That just made him miss the cue even more. 

She told me to think of myself as a side rein, holding my hands steady but soft and always in the same place. I give way to much apparently. I think my rearing gray taught me that bad habit. I was also told to post with my abs and not my legs. Hmm... can you say pain?

 We also worked on keeping forward momentum in our transitions. It is harder than it sounds to ask your horse to keep moving forward and go into a slower gait all at the same time. We got it though!

 I have a lot to work on the next few months. Cindy comes back in March and I want to show improvement! Tuesday I went and just practiced with Soul so maybe I can actually stick to it all. All I know is that this is what I need. I need horse time, because it is my sanity. Even my husband said, "you are so much happier and brighter after time at the barn."

 I think this is going to be a 2015 goal worth keeping. 

Get to know me

It has been awhile since I posted a few facts about myself and I have noticed a few new followers. So here I am, awkwardly talking about myself. It never gets easier.

1. I am addicted to horses. I ride competitively and have since I was a child. 

2. I have been to the world championships in the Morgan hunter ring and I am a regional Dressage champion. 

3. My eyes are emerald green with gold flecks. They are my best feature. 

4. I am in bed by 10:00 every night. I am old. 

5. I am a wimp when it comes to scary movies. I cannot handle them. 

6. If a movie has is about a horse or a dog or anything else cute and cuddly, I will cry. 

7. I have a velcro dog, but I am pretty sure it's me not him. 

8. My husband was my high-school sweet heart. 

9. It is really hard for me to drink water. I prefer wine or sweet tea. 

10. I think daffodils are the happiest flowers. They are my favorite. 

11. If you are having a blah day, throw on some lace. You will feel better instantly. 

12. I love to organize things. 

13. I am a little superstitious. 

14. I am so blind without my contacts. I can't even see the big "E" at the top. 

15. I can drive pretty much anything. Cars, tow trucks, trucks with 4 horse trailers behind them. My husband and dad wanted me to be as independent as they could make me and they succeeded.  

So that's a little bit of me. I hope you stick around to get the rest of my story! 

Advice for the Newly Engaged

This past holiday season my social media feeds blew up with pictures of guys on one knee and perfectly manicured hands showing off shiny diamonds. It feels like EVERYONE got engaged. How exciting?! But holy stress! There are so many things I wish people had told me and so many things I wish I hadn't let bother me.

So after being engaged to the same guy twice (true story) here is my advice:

1. Do NOT look at the task list on any of the wedding sites or in any of those wedding planning books and think that things have to be done exactly by that timeline. 

I remember thinking, "I just got engaged and I have to have a date picked now?! Wait, I need my dress in 8 weeks!!!!"  No. No you don't. Seeing all the tasks are helpful because it gives you a vague idea of what has to be done but I honestly didn't mark off half the stuff on the list and what I did complete wasn't anywhere near the timeline they suggested. I picked out my dress 4 months out not 10 and it turned out just fine. I wish I hadn't stressed so much in the beginning and just relaxed. I felt so rushed. 

2. The dress doesn't have to make you cry. 

I actually had people tell say, "You didn't cry when you put your dress on? Maybe it's not the one. You should keep shopping." Wait... what? No, I didn't cry, my mom didn't cry...heck I think we were just excited that the huge task was out of the way. And guess what?  I loved my dress. I still love my dress. I have actually worn it two more times since then for photo shoots for my photographer sister. Sure maybe there are dresses prettier than mine, flashier than mine and pricier than mine but my dress fit my wedding and my style and my body type. Don't let others tell you how you should feel or how the process should go. They will just cause you to doubt yourself. 

3. DO find an engaged couples workshop. 

We attended a engaged couples weekend that was life changing. They had us talk about every issue that typically causes divorce from money to religion to raising kids. Let me just say.... WOW! It was a lot to think about but we came out of it much more stable and much closer. I highly recommend it. 

4. Do not let your guests and family tell you how your day should go. 

This day is about you and your fiance and the sacrament of marriage. That is it. It's not about who didn't want to sit at weird uncle Lou's table or who hates the food choices and thinks you should change your menu. You cannot make everyone happy so focus on making the two of you happy. I actually had some of his family members email me complaining about the music I walked down the aisle to. It was Canon in D! I didn't get crazy! 

5. Remember: It is just one day. 

Just remember, this is one day. A glitch or two isn't going to mess it all up. I promise. The morning of a marathon had downtown shutdown so dad almost didn't make it to the florists to pick up my bouquet. One of the groomsmen had a vest 3 sizes to small.  They didn't start playing Canon D until I had made it to the last cue because no one gave the music coordinator the cue. I walked halfway down the aisle to Ave Maria. I am the only one who noticed and we still got married. Do not panic if things are not perfect. Just don't fall. 

Kidding, kidding. But seriously, enjoy this moment. Don't get caught up in the details, get caught up in the romance and magic. Have fun and know it will all be wonderful. Congratulations!